Summer is approaching and here in the Mid-Atlantic that means temperatures in excess of 85 degrees and the kind of humidity that probably resulted in the extinction of Mid-Atlantic dinosaurs who drowned trying to breath the soupy air. So, all over the region, women are updating their wardrobes to reflect the change in season. Men…aren’t.
I really like men for the most part but I have some significant complaints about them. I mean, this is a gender who will pay extra for chicken wings if they’re served by a girl in a tight t-shirt – not a girl they can touch, not a girl who even likes them, just a girl in a tight t-shirt. And yet, this gender is largely in charge. In fact, they wage wars for the privilege of being in charge when it appears that all they want to be in charge to do is to gain access to girls (or boys) in tight t-shirts.
Anyway, clothes are another thing that men are screwing up on a pretty major level, at least in the working world. Let’s say it’s a hot, humid summer day and my husband and I both need to dress for meetings. I will wear lightweight slacks, a light top, a cardigan, and sandals. And appropriate undergarments. My husband will wear boxers, a t-shirt, socks, pants, a belt, a dress shirt, a jacket, a tie, and leather dress shoes. Which is exactly the same thing he’d wear for meetings in the dead of winter. He and other men in office jobs make no allowances for climate when they get dressed. Whereas I could walk down the street in my work outfit and maybe take off the cardigan to ease the heat a bit and be pretty comfortable, a guy, even if he stripped off his jacket and tie, is still wearing two solid layers of clothing. He would be dead of heat stroke within about three blocks.
Seriously, why are men in charge?
The sad consequence of men not bothering to read a weather report before dressing in their stifling uniform 365 days a year is that most offices are refrigerated to approximately 75 degrees below zero all summer. So, all of us women, who are dressed to be comfortable outside, are forced to step indoors and swathe ourselves in shawls and blankets so that we don’t turn into popsicles at our desks. I’ve worked some places where the a/c was so cold that I needed to walk outside several times a day just to restore the sensation to my hands and feet.
I’m convinced that a major cause of global warming is men in suits needing indoor climate control to prevent head-related illness resulting from their dumbass attire.
This complaint of mine is not new and is always met with the same response: Yes, but do you really want men wearing sandals and showing off their gnarly feet all summer? No, I do not, but most men I know have two working arms and could give themselves pedicures just like we women do in order to look neat and tidy during sandal season. It’s called parity between the sexes and should have been written into that fair-pay act that was passed recently; equal pay for equal work and equal grooming to look appropriate in the workplace regardless of the weather.
At the very least, men could agree to dispense with suits from Memorial Day to Labor Day. Let them wear khakis and golf shirts all summer. They’d be a lot less cranky if they were wearing fewer layers. And the environmental impact would be phenomenal: offices could raise the temperature to something mammals are meant to live in, there’d be fewer dry cleaning chemicals released into the water supply from all those suits not needing to be cleaned (sorry dry cleaners! I promise to bring you my down comforter every summer to make up for the loss of suit-related revenue), and men might be less likely to start wars or run for Congress if they were more physically comfortable.
And we’d all be happier if that happened.