Letters to Famous People

Big Money

I just heard that Brett Favre could earn as much as $20,000,000 to play football this season. Twenty. Million. Dollars. To throw a ball. That got me thinking. What would $20,000,000 buy? 100,000 pap smears 10,000,000 school lunches 400 annual…

Memo To Dina Lohan

Memorandum From: Mother Resources Department, Mom-hood Inc. To: Dina Lohan Date: August 16, 2010 Re: Job Performance Mrs. Lohan: It has come to our attention that your performance as a Mom has not been reaching expected levels of competence. While…

Almost Famous

Well! This week has been so fabulous that it requires its own wrap up! First, an update on the status of the Kendra Wilkinson book quest: Her agent gave me the name of a publicist…who did not handle Kendra’s book…

Letter to Kourtney Kardashian

Dear Kourtney, Girl. Get. The fuck. Away. From Scott. Listen. Lady, I’ve watched your shows for a long time. I’ve watched Scott survive a bunch of near-misses where he appeared to be cheating but had an excuse, when he was…

Letter to Kendra’s Publisher

This wild ride is continuing, folks. I just sent the message you see below to Simon and Schuster, the publishing house that put out Kendra’s worthy little tome. They don’t really want requests like that through the comments webform so…

Follow Up To Kendra’s Agent

I didn’t hear back from Brian out there in LA so I sent him a follow up email (see below). I’m beginning to think Brian doesn’t really like me. Or maybe he’s just the wrong guy to go to when…

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