Dear Ann Romney, Hi. How are you? How was that $500 per plate fundraiser the other night? Tasty? Or rubber chicken at fundraiser prices? Could you have made better chicken at home? Wait, do you cook? OK, that was snide.…
Category: Letters to Famous People
A Letter To Newt Gingrich
Dear Newt, So. Newt. This is it, huh? Your last stand. You’re probably not ever going to run for office again so these last weeks of the primary race are your final opportunity to capture this kind of national spotlight.…
A Letter To Mitt Romney
Dear Mitt, May I call you Willard? I had a good friend in college named Willard and thinking of him might make me like you better. Though I do like you better than the guys you’re running against for the…
A Letter To The House of Representatives
Dear House of Representatives, In God We Trust? Really? That’s the best you could come up with? Listen, I know things are shitty for you now. Your approval rating among the American people dipped down to 9% recently and I…
Letter to Sarah Palin
This was originally published last year as a “diary” entry on Daily Kos during my short-lived attempt to write there. I like the site but I found the discussion on any posts I wrote too unpleasant to make writing there…
Memo to Donald Trump
Memorandum To: Donald Trump From: Mom-in-a-Million Re: Your Presidential Aspirations Date: April 26, 2011 It has come to my attention that you are growing increasingly serious in your bloviating about a run for the Presidency in 2012. When you…
Letters to the People At the Oscars
Dear Anne Hathaway, I think we could be really good friends if you would stop trying to be Gracie Allen to James Franco’s deeply stoned George Burns. Please insist on better writing next time you host something so I can…
Letter to Billy Ray Cyrus
Dear Billy Ray, Or is it just Billy? Just Ray? Oh, gawd. I’ll just call you Mr. C because it reminds me of Happy Days and I get to sound like the Fonz and you get to sound like a…
Letter to Anyone Considering Sleeping With Charlie Sheen
Dear Any Woman Who is Considering Sleeping With Charlie Sheen: Back. Away. From. The. Deeply. Troubled. Celebrity. Listen, for all you porn stars, hookers, wanna be porn stars, wanna be hookers, and anyone who is hoping to get a foothold…
Letter to Michelle Obama After The Shootings In Arizona
Dear Mrs. Obama, Have you let your husband out of your sight since Saturday? The look on your face during the moment of silence for the Tucson shooting victims spoke volumes to me. You look grimly terrified in the pictures.…
