Fucking Men. (You Mad, Bro? Not Sorry.)


lionsHello. I am writing to you from a moment of emotional dissonance.

On the one hand, I am reeling after the release of a story about Senator Al Franken, a man I have admired for years, an author whose work I have loved, an incisive and sharp political critic whose work has informed my own, I am reeling because he apparently sexually harassed and assaulted a woman on a USO tour. There are photos of him “jokingly” groping her as she slept on a plane. I do not doubt the account told by the woman in question. I am PISSED at one of my idols and I want to kick someone’s ass. Mostly his, but also the photographer who took the picture and the people who sat by and didn’t defend a sleeping woman from assault by a grinning asshole.

On the other hand, I’m watching some old white guy (OWG) with cheap dentures on MSNBC defending Roy Moore saying he’s known the guy for 25 years and he’s never seen him do what the women accusing him of predation and assault are saying. OWG is saying we need to examine all the evidence and consider all the angles and there’s no way Roy Moore is like Harvey Weinstein and these women all have black marks on their records and OH MY FUCKING GOD SHUT UP AND ADMIT YOUR FRIEND IS A FUCKING CREEPER AND I HATE YOU ALL.

I just scared my dog by shouting that last line aloud as I typed it.

This? This here? This is why sexual misconduct by men continues to happen. Because there are legions of old white guys with fake fucking teeth and no empathy and a massive sense of entitlement over the bodies of women and they will go on tv and defend each other over the most foul and disgusting thing. The permission zone for men to abuse women is enormous and the boundaries of the zone are vigilantly guarded by other fucking men.

The photographer on that plane is complicit in the assault of a woman. The old white guy on MSNBC is complicit in the character assassination of women who were assaulted by his friend. Guys everywhere have been complicit in the abuse of women in ways small and large and I can’t take it any more. Guys need to put their hands in their pockets and stop talking. Maybe forever. Because as a gender, they need to do SOMETHING to atone.

I can name at least five male friends who have denied this circle of protection men draw around each other. They deny it to my face. They deny it even though its as plain as day that it happens. They deny it because maybe they don’t really see it and they don’t believe women when we point it out.

They don’t believe us. They never believe us.

I’m tired of being the gender with no credibility. I’m tired of being the gender who has to work twice as hard to be thought of as half as honest. I’m tired of reading confessionals by women who have to be twice as brave to get half as much justice.

Not even half. They don’t get justice. They get abused by men who would rather not face the damage men do to women. Men who would rather do more damage than be part of the solution.

I don’t even know how to tell men to do better at this point because it seems like they don’t see what they’re doing wrong and they also don’t want to change anything. All the mealy-mouthed “I have daughters so…” stuff is really just posturing to say “You can pull your stunts on other women, just not the ones I claim dominion over.” It’s not a solution. It’s more entitlement.

This isn’t even about men becoming better allies of feminism. It’s about men not being giant acid-filled douchebags.

Do better men. I don’t care how. Just. Do Better.

 

 

 

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1 comment for “Fucking Men. (You Mad, Bro? Not Sorry.)

  1. H J Adkins
    November 16, 2017 at 1:40 pm

    Privilege is in many ways the ability to “not see” or flat out ignore how others who do not share the privilege are badly treated, the injustices and abuse they must endure.

    Whether it be white priveledge, male privilege or any other kind.

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