To help with you last-minute costume panic, I have come up with this list of costumes that require very little effort but combine the zeitgeist of 2017 and the traditional Halloween trend of dressing all sexy. Without further ado, I present
The Most 2017 Halloween Costume Guide
1) Slutty Trump Voter: Daisy dukes and a couple of red MAGA hats to cover your tits and you’re ready to make America great again!
2) Slutty Rocket Man: Dress up like Kim Jong Un But with the biggest toy rocket you can find sticking out of your fly.
3) Slutty Unicorn Frappacinno: Body glitter. Lots and lots of body glitter.
4) Slutty Tweet: This is actually just the wildly inappropriate sexy Big Bird costume I saw a couple years ago but with an added poster that says #HappyHalloween.
5) Slutty Robert Mueller: You’ll be sure to get your man in a dark suit, white shirt, no tie and your top button undone. RACY!
6) Slutty Fidget Spinner: Fidget spinner pasties and roller skates, so you and your nipples can twirl as one.
7) Chip and Joanna Gaines: If you don’t feel like being slutty on Halloween but you DO feel like paying tribute to the (soon to be departing) First Couple of HGTV, grab a tool belt, a Mortician Addams wig, and some shiplap and you’ve got a perfect couples costume.
8) Slutty Pennywise: Wanna make scary clowns even scarier? Add some lucite heels and a garter belt to the look.
9) Slutty Anything Game of Thrones: I mean…yeah. Yeah.
10) Slutty Steve Bannon: Actually, don’t do this. I’m sorry I even typed the words.
So there you have it. The definitive list of 2017 costumes that will make you the hit of every party this spooky season. Happy haunting!