If The Tea Party Wrote An Obamacare FAQ

caduceusQ. I want to sign up for Obamacare. What will it cost?

A. Your soul.

Q. I like my current doctor. Can I still see him/her under Obamacare?

A. No. You may choose from a pre-approved list of doctors including Tom Coburn, Phil Gingery, Ron Paul, and Tom Price.

Q. Does Obamacare include a vision plan?

A. It includes Rand Paul.

Q. I have insurance through my job. Can I keep it or do I need to get Obmacare instead?

A. If you work in the private sector you can keep your insurance. If you work for the federal government we will furlough you until you learn your lesson and go find a private sector job, you socialist.

Q. Where does my money go if I get Obamacare?

A. All Obamacare premium dollars go to pay for birth control for slutty, slutty, sluts.

Q. I have preexisting conditions. Will that prevent me from getting Obamacare?

A. No, but being a Democrat is the kind of preexisting condition that will keep you out of heaven. Just sayin’.

Q. Will the IRS have access to my Obamacare records?

A. Yes. It will also get copies of the naked pictures the scanners at airports take of you.

Q. What are death panels and can I opt out of those?

A. Death panels are benefits managers at large insurance companies. They have the power to deny payment for treatment if they think you don’t really deserve to live. Oh wait…

Q. My mother is on Medicare. Can she keep it or does she need to sign up for Obamacare?

A. Why does your mother hate America?

Q. I own a business. Do I have to get Obamacare for my employees?

A. Only if you’re willing to capitulate to the systemic takeover of American commerce by the forces of tyranny.

Q. Seriously. What happens if I don’t get Obamacare for my employees?

A. Michele Bachmann will come make out with you.

Q. You don’t know anything about Obamacare at all, do you?

A. We know that we hate it. Like brussel sprouts.

Q. Have you ever tasted brussel sprouts?

A. Have you ever tasted socialism?

Q. This is ridiculous. I’m going to www.healthcare.gov instead. I’d rather deal with slow load times and glitches than this kind of misinformation.





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