I spend too much time online doing parenting blog stuff so I’ve seen more than my share of very weird debate erupt. For example, the shitstorm over a piece I wrote for Babble about how formula feeding isn’t ZOMG THE WORK OF SATAN. Anyway, in an attempt to add some levity to the humorless corners of the blogosphere, I wrote this parody post making fun of, well, everyone. Here’s an excerpt:
My oldest goes to public school for half days, mainly for socialization and so I have a legitimate platform for my opposition to standardized tests and comprehensive sex ed. Sex ed should be taught by ministers or by observing the mating habits of our backyard hens. I homeschool him in the afternoons. We do lots of great science projects like growing organic foods and those Sea Monkey kits we order from the back of his comic books.
I’m teaching my baby sign language and Spanish. I prefer that no one address the baby in any English at all, unless is educational television like Jeopardy. We haven’t told anyone the baby’s gender. The sexism in our society is epic and we don’t want our kids to fall victim to gender stereotypes. We made the mistake of telling our oldest he was a boy but we’re trying to make up for it by making sure his wardrobe is 50% dresses and skirts. I am making all of his clothes and plan to start an Etsy shop of BoySkirts before the holidays.
Click on over for the rest. It has it all from homemade vaccines to unmedicated c-sections!
