Fiscal Cliff Talks: What I Think Happened Between Boehner and Obama

Barack Obama: John! How’s it going?

John Boehner: Can’t complain, Mr. President. Cigarette?

BO: No, thanks, I quit.

JB: Right. So. Played any golf lately?

BO: No time. Big election. Shitshow in Libya. You know how it is.

JB: I hear ya.

(The men stare at each other thoughtfully)

JB: So. The fiscal cliff.

BO: Yep.

JB: You got internal polling?

BO: Of course. My base wants to tax the rich.

JB: Mine doesn’t.

BO: Your guys still knuckling under to Norquist?

JB: Like yours are knuckling under to unions.

BO: What are you gonna tell ’em?

JB: What do you think? I’m going to say we can’t decide anything and I’m going to make it look like your fault. You?

BO: Uh-huh. I’m going to appear in the midwest and say you don’t care about the middle class.

JB: Alright. Meanwhile, I’ll go strip some Tea Partiers of good committee assignments as punishment for voting against me all the damn time. Maybe that’ll bring my caucus in line.

BO: Ok. I’ll put a bug in Harry Reid’s ear about entitlement reform. Then I’ll run some more polls.

JB: I’ll do the same. Meet back here in a week?

BO: Will do. Maybe by then we can get serious.

JB: See you then.

BO: See you.