25 Things I Want My Daughter To Know

I’m back!

As many of you know, last month I gave birth to a baby girl who shall henceforth be known as N in this space. As you might imagine, this set me into a feminist frenzy of dreaming of how I’ll turn her into a strong and brilliant woman. I also had a moment of pure bliss when I realized that having a little girl meant I would be able to buy little girl bathing suits because OH MAH GAH THE CUTE!

Swimwear aside, there are things I want to pass along to my daughter, little bits of wit and wisdom that have made my life better along the way. I hope someday she reads this list and understands what I mean by it.

  1. If you’re the only person your date is nice to, you’re not dating a nice person.
  2. If you don’t want your mother/father/big brother to know about what you’re doing, you probably shouldn’t be doing it.
  3. Sometimes, the screwin’ you get ain’t worth the screwin’ ya get. (This was something my grandfather taught my mother and she taught it to me. It’s 100% true).
  4. Looks fade, but stupid is forever.
  5. It’s ok to sacrifice comfort for fashion, except when it isn’t.
  6. Don’t dump your girlfriends for a lover. You need friends no matter what else is in your life.
  7. Make friends with gay guys – they will make you laugh and let you cry.
  8. Make friends with lesbians – they will keep you honest.
  9. It’s worth it to know about a little of everything, if only to make yourself a more interesting conversationalist.
  10. Vote. Women before us fought for that right. Don’t ever let them think you don’t appreciate it.
  11. Knockoff designer handbags are tacky and slightly desperate looking.
  12. Learn how to drive stick. I wish I could.
  13. Don’t read magazines like Cosmo. They’ll just make you feel bad about yourself. Pick your beauty icons from the women around you.
  14. Don’t be afraid to do things by yourself. Traveling, going to the theatre, and eating out alone are all sublime pleasures.
  15. Avoid bangs.
  16. At some point, you must see a performance of The Vagina Monologues. You’ll thank me afterwards.
  17. You’re never going to look like Barbie. Your gene pool simply doesn’t allow for it.
  18. Don’t let a person’s political affiliations preclude friendship.
  19. However, don’t sleep with anyone who’s anti-choice. You need to agree with your partner on how to handle an accidental pregnancy.
  20. Bikini waxing hurts. A lot.
  21. There is no earthly need to douche.
  22. You will never regret being kind.
  23. People will make fun of you one day. It will hurt. But don’t give them the power to define you.
  24. People will praise you one day. It will feel good. But don’t give them the power to define you.
  25. I love you.
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11 comments for “25 Things I Want My Daughter To Know

  1. July 30, 2012 at 9:30 pm

    These are awesome except I love my bangs.

  2. July 31, 2012 at 7:18 am

    Congrats…and Great post….wish I had of known some of those things a lot earlier in life…


  3. July 31, 2012 at 7:22 am

    I love these. My list includes making sure not to forget your neck when applying makeup, and to never make a drastic decision after a broken heart/bad day/on your period. Coulda saved myself a few horrid haircuts with that one.

  4. Tracy
    July 31, 2012 at 12:50 pm

    It’s not too late to learn how to drive a stick. You should learn, so that you can update your list. You will be proud of yourself. Your kids will be proud too.

    If you don’t have a friend with a stick shift car that is willing to teach you, rent one.

    Do not try to learn in DC traffic or anywhere near hills. Start off easy. I taught my husband 3 years ago. We used the University parking lot when students were gone over the winter break. Nice, flat, open space.

  5. Amy
    July 31, 2012 at 5:05 pm

    So true of what you list. Especially like #3. Also..
    1.don’t fight the curl learn to love it
    2. there will be mean girls in every stage of your life. Surround
    yourself with the good girls and the mean girls will not have a
    3. It is never to late to learn to drive a stick.
    4. learn to like/love yourself because sometimes you will be alone and
    that is ok.
    5. Trust your instincts.

  6. July 31, 2012 at 8:47 pm

    Love. Every so often I’m tempted to get bangs. Then my very trusted hairdresser talks me off that cliff.

  7. Lo
    August 2, 2012 at 3:51 am

    I really liked this post…

  8. August 9, 2012 at 1:05 pm

    Love it! As the mother of a 6 year old girl I think your list is spot on. Congrats on your new little human :))

  9. August 9, 2012 at 3:02 pm

    Sure, way to bury the lead. 😉

  10. August 14, 2012 at 11:49 am

    great list. hold onto to it for the teen years then tattoo it across her bod. Lucky little girl with a mom like you!

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