Douche Seeking Missile


To the tune of You’re a Mean One Mr. Grinch:

You’re a douchebag, Mr. Douche.

You’re a douche0y douche-y douche!

OK, parody song lyrics clearly aren’t my strength. But I know a lot about douchebags! And stark.raving.mad.mommy. and I are ready to call a douche a douche again this year. So I hereby open nominations for the Top Douches of 2011!

Who douched it up this year? Kim Kardashian for bailing on her made-for-tv marriage after 72 days? Kate Gosselin for saying non-celebrity life is mediocre? Sarah Palin for stringing donors along and taking their money when she probably knew all along that she wasn’t going to run for President? That schmuck who put up a billboard accusing his girlfriend – who allegedly miscarried – of murdering their baby? The douche-possibilities abound!

So leave me a comment and tell me who you think is a big ol’ douche! We’ll select the final list later this month!

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18 comments for “Douche Seeking Missile

  1. December 9, 2011 at 9:27 am

    Definitely the billboard guy.

    Kris Humphries for going along with the whole wedding thing. Idiot.

    Ashton Kutcher for his haircut alone.

  2. December 9, 2011 at 9:30 am

    David Stern, commissioner of the NBA who dragged this lockout on for way too long and publicly criticizing players and basically calling them stupid in press conferences. He’s been in power for over 30 years and is an evil dictator that needs to be removed from power! (passionate Bulls fan)

  3. December 9, 2011 at 10:02 am

    Is your definition of douche different than mine? because I was going to nominate Bashar al-Assad, but he doesn’t seem like he’d belong on last year’s list …

  4. Kayla
    December 9, 2011 at 12:46 pm

    Rick Perry, for his “Strong” ad. What an asshat.

  5. C
    December 9, 2011 at 12:49 pm

    Rick Perry for his douchey, douchey new ad

    Congress for accomplishing nothing, except trying to make it legal to detain American citizens indefinitely without due process. The 4th amendment was overrated anyway, right?

  6. Steph
    December 9, 2011 at 1:02 pm

    Does it have to be someone famous? Because I had my douche-of-the-year award all ready to go to my 11 year old son’s hockey coach/my husband’s best friend AND THEN…

    I was at the ice rink for my 5 year old’s practice and this guy comes in, we’re in the warming room which is this big area off the ice where there are concessions, etc… and most of the parents sit to watch, so there are like 25 adults in there minimum at any given time and at least 15 smaller than 5 year old kids. So he comes in and pulls his wife away from their two smaller children (the older one 5-9? is skating) and over near our table which is kiddy corner to the concession stand and right inside the door from the ice, and proceeds to tell her that while she’s been at practice with ALL 3 KIDS, he’s packed his stuff and moved out, and OH, he filed for divorce that afternoon. So if that’s not enough of a scene in public, he doesn’t just let that sit, he totally strips her bare in front of us. He lists everything he dislikes about her and their marriage. So she quietly says about 10 times “can we talk about this at home” and he keeps telling her “I’m NOT COMING HOME”. Then, he stomps over and makes a big production of giving what I assume were to be “goodbye” hugs to his two youngest (the kid on the ice is apparently just shit out of luck) before he leaves. I know the girls in the concession stand and the other couple at the same table as me heard every word just like I did. Not sure if those behind us could hear the exchange or just get the general idea. I wanted to stand up and square up on him really badly, but this lady (who’s fairly young and now a single mother of 3 small kids) was fighting a really visible battle to maintain her control and composure and winning, so the couple at the table and I decided we should just sit quietly and act like we weren’t there (hoping we really could melt in to the table) because if one of us had intervened it could have shattered that composure, or worse maybe made it worse for her. I have to say, I am SO freaking impressed by this young lady. She never let him see her cry, not one time and after he left she went back to her table with a couple of other ladies and though I saw her swipe her eyes with the back of her hand about 3 times, she never did lose it. I would totally have lost it I think. I wanted to go give her a hug and tell her she was worth so much more than him, but again I felt like it wouldn’t be fair to her to do that because she was SO visibly fighting to maintain her control and I felt more strongly that it was important to not rob her of that last shred of dignity she was clinging to. The worst part was running in to him last night at the last night of skating. He was there with just the older child, go figure. The worst part of the whole exchange is that there is a breeze-way just 5 steps from where he drug her to and since it was the middle of practice, IF he had to do this right then, he could have gone out there with her and no one would have heard any of it. I’m guessing he figured she’d maybe kick his ass if he was in a less public environment, so he took the pussy way out. I really hope that’s what it was because I’d like to think she would have kicked his ass in private. I know I would have!

    If non-famous people can be nominated let me know and I’ll tell you the coach/best friend story too. It’s FULL of douche bags, but this guy totally blew them all away. Hockey isn’t just full contact on the ice this year apparently.

  7. December 9, 2011 at 3:09 pm

    Rick Perry. Hands fucking down.

  8. Amy
    December 9, 2011 at 5:19 pm

    !.Who Steph said cuz that guy is a royal DOUCHE!
    2.any of the GOP candidates, between the flavor of the month, we
    have a serial philanderer, a serial sexual harassment cases,
    a homophobe and not one but a few who stand behind the religion
    curtain…and so on
    3.any of the Kardashians bc I am just sick of them
    4.Congress
    5. Lebron James because I am from Cleve and he just ruined us
    6. Billboard guy
    7. Al-Assad and the other lunatic with the really long name in Iran
    8. ALec Baldwin just for the latest celebrity I am better than you
    and I have to Lindsay Lohan for being plain STUPID
    I know I forgot a few but that is the list from me.

  9. December 9, 2011 at 5:24 pm

    Alec Baldwin … turn off your phone when asked on a plane, you can play your game later! Then go all public about it & tell everyone how you’ll never fly with them again. The employees are probably cheering that they got rid of you!

  10. Melanie
    December 10, 2011 at 3:42 am

    I forgot about the billboard guy! Huge douche.

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