I would like to thank the GOP for this post because they were like the gift that keeps on giving this week. Let us begin with the wacky antics of the current raft of Presidential nominee contenders. They’re funnier than a clown college these days.
To begin with, we have our favorite Midwestern darling, Michele Bachmann. Representative Bachmann made a speech wherein she hinted that her opponents are not really conservatives at all but instead are a shadowy sub-class of Republican known as “frugal socialists”. She also called the current President an “out-of-control socialist”. The images that immediately popped into my mind when she said this were of those extreme coupon people who but stuff cheap and donate it to the less fortunate. Maybe the GOP field does that with only a few items whereas Obama is a shelf-clearer? I know that doesn’t truly fit the definition of socialism but neither does anything Michellle Bachmann thinks abut socialists.
Next we have Herman Cain who should really refrain from talking after his presser where he claimed that the accusations of sexual harassment against him were a product of the Democratic machine conspiring to take down his candidacy. Never mind that the accusations were made over a decade ago, long before he was a candidate for anything except Worst Boss of the Year. If the Democratic machine were repsonsible for that, then the Democrats are in better shape than I thought because they’ve figured out time travel. Sweet! But the big WTF from Mr. Cain was in the GOP debate the other night when he referred to former Speaker of the House and current House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi as Princess Nancy. That level of sexist bullshit, from a guy accused of multiple counts of harassing women no less, deserves the kind of kick that permanently relocates his balls to his jawline.
The most memorable debate moment was from Pretty Boy Rick Perry…I’m sorry. I shouldn’t call him Pretty Boy. It’s beneath me. Anyway, Governor Perry brashly declared that there were three federal agencies he’d abolish if he were President: the Department of Education, the Department of Commerce and…he couldn’t recall the last one Could not recall it. Representative Ron Paul helpfully suggested the EPA but Perry only wanted to overhaul that one. Which was refreshing; Perry usually doesn’t seem to give any kind of shit about the environment. Anyway, the guy who got a D economics in college unsurprisingly doesn’t value education or the regulation of business for the sake of economic stability. And when asked if he really couldn’t remember a third agency on his hit list, confirmed his mental blank spot and said “Oops.” Yep. Oops.
Finally, on a more serious note, the GOP suggested a new plan for raising revenue and cutting spending that publicly reveals their blatant contempt for the middle class. I don’t say this lightly but this plan is boggling in it’s clear favoritism of wealthier Americans. Most of the revenue increases come from limiting tax deductions on things like mortgage interest and state and local tax payments. You know, the stuff people like you and me count on to lower our tax bill a bit. They also want to raise the Medicare eligibility age to 67. You know, the program people like you and me count on to lower our out-of-pocket costs on health insurance when we hit retirement age because we’ve been paying into the system for decades by then. But! They are doing one really nice thing by suggesting we cut the top marginal tax rate from 35% to 28%! You know, the taxes on the portion of income that exceeds $393,151. The income earned by people like…well, not me. I’m really flabbergasted that they didn’t even try to disguise what they were doing here. Maybe because they knew Democrats would take one look at this plan and say “Dude, you can’t fuck the middle class by handing rich people lube.” Or something like that. I’m sure John Kerry was much longer-winded when he said it. Anyway, the GOP must have known their plan was a non-starter and assumed no one would look at the details and see this flagrant attack on the middle class. They must have forgotten the power of the interwebs to transmit fucktastic information like that.
In closing, I leave you with Governor Perry, live and in person. Oops.