A Letter To The House of Representatives

Dear House of Representatives,

In God We Trust? Really? That’s the best you could come up with?

Listen, I know things are shitty for you now. Your approval rating among the American people dipped down to 9% recently and I strongly suspect that the 9% who said they approved of you were actually stoned at the time and meant to say they approved of the new Beavis and Butthead cartoon. Your overall productivity, in terms of bills passed into law is staggeringly low. The people picked for the deficit reduction “super committee” aren’t inviting the rest of you to their meetings and instead are working in secret and you probably worry that they’re making fun of your clothes or something equally middle-schoolish. Because most of you are so snipey and snarky that “middle schoolish” is the best description for you.

So, you held a vote to reffiirm that America’s motto is “In God We Trust”. Super.

I can just picture the meeting where you all came up with this plan. You probably all sat there, smoke pouring out of your ears, trying to come up with some way to show the citizenry that you still care about god and country despite overwhelming evidence that you only really care about the 2012 election. You needed something good, something indisputably patriotic but at the same time something that wouldn’t require the government to actually do anything. Suddenly, it came to you like a bolt from the blue! Tell America in no uncertain terms that you still trust in a god! That’s it! It’s cheap, it’s easy, John Wayne would have liked it!

Sidebar: Congressman Cantor, as the only non-Christian Republican in Congress, how did this make you feel? You know full well that they don’t mean the g-d of the Old Testament, the g-d you and other Jews pray to? Do you convince yourself that they mean all g-ds? Or do you know, as I know, that they only mean the Christian god and the rest of us be dammned, literally?

But back to that Ah-hah! moment when you all decided that the best way to boost your ratings was to reaffirm a phrase added to our cash in 1956 during the height of the Cold War when another Congress decided that was the best way to distinguish us from the commies. What next? McCarthy hearings redux? The second coming of J. Edgar Hoover?

Look guys, there may be a few Americans left who think you mean it when you do things like this but a growing number of us are smart enough to know bullshit when we see it. And I’m calling it: you are full of shit. You can’t get your heads out of your campaign strategy books long enough to do anything for America so you grandstand and raise your eyes ostentatiously to heaven and the flag instead.

I hope this backfires and your approval rating goes to zero. That’s where it should be.



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5 comments for “A Letter To The House of Representatives

  1. November 2, 2011 at 8:25 pm

    I am so glad I found your website. It’s refreshing to know that this crap (and by this crap, I mean stupid politics and also, more generally, stupidity) pisses other people off too!

  2. November 2, 2011 at 8:47 pm

    The funny thing is that getting rid of the motto would actually create jobs. Think of all the US Mint employees it would take to redesign our coins.

  3. Lori
    November 3, 2011 at 6:10 pm

    insert LOUD applause here…

  4. November 7, 2011 at 9:55 am


    They are all such freaking morons.

  5. Norm Rourke
    November 25, 2011 at 5:39 pm

    Morons? You give them undue credit. They’re actually dangerous. These fools are the people about to drive this country into the history pages with Rome, the British Empire and all the other great civilizations. Please share these comments with your friends to enlighten them so they will consider voting for anyone except the incumbent. Politics isn’t rocket science; it’s working for the common good of the people and this great country…something these jackasses have long forgotten like they’ve forgotten they work for YOU!

Comments are closed.