25 Things Sarah Palin Can Do Now That She’s “You Betcha” Not Runnin’

  1. Go to Disney World!
  2. Cut an album of duets with Hank Williams Jr.
  3. Market a line of hair care products on QVC.
  4. Take a pottery class.
  5. Pitch a remake of The Love Boat wherein she reprises Charo’s role.
  6. Write a novel about a poufy-haired tanning salon clerk who fucks steroid-riddled “gorillas” and…oh wait…
  7. Study English grammar.
  8. Pray the gay away. All of it.
  9. Do a calendar where she dresses as a different soap opera icon each month.
  10. Become an advocate for adequate educational and health care programs for special needs individuals from childhood onward. No, REALLY do that, not pretend to do it by waving her son around like a stage prop.
  11. Take up base jumping.
  12. Become a tour guide at the Creation Museum.
  13. Apply for a job hosting The View. Try not to sulk when Barbara Walters wets her pants laughing.
  14. Be the MC of Palin Night at an Anchorage drag bar.
  15. Study US history.
  16. Two words: keg stands!
  17. Design a line of clothes to compete with the Kardashian Kollection called the Palin Pantheon.
  18. Look up the word “pantheon” and become outraged that it means there might be more than one god.
  19. Campaign to legalize marijuana before 2016 so that if she runs then we’ll all be so stoned that she makes sense to us.
  20. Offer serious, studied commentary on the political process rife with important observations and factual….BWAHAHAHAHA! I almost managed to say that with a straight face…
  21. Market a line of sex toys called Drill, Baby, Drill!
  22. Go to Russia, try to see her house.
  23. Join forces with Mel Gibson to remake The Passion of the Christ: Now in 3D!
  24. Repent. No, not for sin. For what she’s done to US political discourse.
  25. Join the cast of Survivor: Alaska. (Spoiler alert: Palin loses. A polar bear wins.)
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6 comments for “25 Things Sarah Palin Can Do Now That She’s “You Betcha” Not Runnin’

  1. October 5, 2011 at 8:23 pm


  2. October 5, 2011 at 8:59 pm

    I wish she would start at number 1 and work her way through. It coukd be her new reality show…

  3. October 6, 2011 at 8:53 am

    Love it! Of course number 20 is my favorite 🙂

  4. October 6, 2011 at 10:13 am

    OH! OH! OH! NUMBER TEN! Yes, please!

  5. amy
    October 6, 2011 at 4:05 pm

    I like number 15 but she would still get it wrong!

  6. Lori
    October 6, 2011 at 7:33 pm

    11 is my favorite!!

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