What Did Beauty Queens Evolve From?

If you want to throw up a little in your mouth, watch this video. If you are not interested in throwing up, I can sum it up for you: 51 women talk about whether or not evolution should be taught in schools as if this is a legitimate question with real merit.  All of them treat the idea of evolution being taught in schools like a radioactive subject and act as if they’re being very broad-minded and worldly by suggesting that impressionable little children should be exposed to such a scary and controversial scientific idea.

Oh. Mah. Gah.

No. Just, no. Evolution is part of the scientific lexicon and is not under any dispute. The Scopes Monkey Trial is over, Clarence Darrow prevailed and I’m willing to bet not one of these women has seen Inherit the Wind because they were all too busy coloring in pictures of Jesus with little lambs in their “My First Brainwashing Bible Activity Book” while getting their hair done.

Look, I have nothing against religion as long as it’s kept private and not shoved in my face. But this whole notion of any sort of Biblicly-based alternate theory of the origins of life on this planet? Is shoving religion in my face. Because the Bible is a religious document and has no place in the universe of public education except as it plays a role in the history of human events. It should not, should NEVER, be taught as doctrine in schools. Never. Never ever.

If you want to make the argument that we need to teach Creationism or Intelligent Design or any other Biblical presentation of the origins of life because “all points of view should be covered” then you need to also teach the Iroquois creation myth with the Sky People and the world on the back of the turtle. And also teach the Zoroastrian creation story complete with Ohrmazd creating Time. And let’s toss in a little of the Norse creation story with the world springing forth from a corpse in a void.

In fact, let’s teach ALL the creation stories ever. And we’ll call the course Comparative Religions and keep it totally separate from science. Ok? Ok.

And next time we’re writing questions for Miss Universe contestants, let’s ask them to speak about things they know like what brand of eye-shadow won’t melt under tv lights.

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15 comments for “What Did Beauty Queens Evolve From?

  1. Shannon
    June 21, 2011 at 2:37 pm

    Its funny you should mention it, but at the high school I attended we WERE taught many of the different creation theories. I am guessing that this had a lot to do with the awesome teacher we had that year, and not the basic curriculum, because obviously this doesn’t seem to be the case in many other people experience!

    I have to say that that lesson along with others that blur together ultimately communicated the need to search for your own answers and think for yourself, served with a side of tolerance for your fellow man.

  2. DMCostorf
    June 21, 2011 at 3:07 pm

    Darrow lost the Monkey Trial…Evolution prevailed…and I think that you are correct that Creationism in all myths and forms should be taught…in English Lit…not in the Biology classroom

  3. Eve
    June 21, 2011 at 3:11 pm

    What you said! I could not possibly agree more or say it more (or as) eloquently. Horrifying, wrong, wrong, wrong and just plain wrong.

  4. Eve
    June 21, 2011 at 3:13 pm

    (I am now going to forward your post to my son, who recently learned about the Norse creation myth in 8th grade and noted that you just never hear about it. He will be delighted. :))

  5. June 21, 2011 at 3:14 pm

    I don’t get it. People that think that Creationism should be taught in the classroom surely wouldn’t suggest that we should be teaching both that the world is flat AND that the world is a sphere.

    You can teach both are right until you’re blue in the face but the fact of the matter is that Evolution has been proven to actually be correct. MAYBE God helped in behind the scenes, make sure that things happen the way that they did so things evolved to where he wanted them to go, but to think that God just snapped his fingers and *BAM* things appeared is a fairy tale. And to believe in that just because an old book tells you so is moronic.

    I guess I just don’t get it. Christians laugh at other religions’ beliefs about who we “came to be” but they don’t give a second thought to what their religion says what happens. It’s all just a big fairy tale.

    Come join us at Earth, people. We have cake!

    Also? Asking beauty pageant people those types of questions? That’s like me asking a ball of hair to debate abortion. Worthless and a waste of time.

  6. June 21, 2011 at 3:24 pm

    You know that little saying on my blog, about truth and fact and how they’re not the same? This is a piece of what I’m talking about.

    I believe there is truth (as I understand it) in the Biblical creation story, but historical or scientific fact? Pssshhh. No way.

    Seriously, why do people think the Bible a factually accurate book? If it is then Psalm 23 was written by a sheep!

  7. amy
    June 21, 2011 at 4:05 pm

    that is all.
    ps..i was hitting my head on desk with the um “intelligence” of these young women.OY

  8. Jessica
    June 21, 2011 at 4:16 pm

    Actually, I was surprised by the number of these women who were able to speak clearly about this issue when watching the video. Yes, the first few were pretty moronic. “I don’t believe in evolution, so it shouldn’t be taught in school” Ha ha. But if you caught a few of them in the middle and towards the end, they were the opposite. I fault the person who came up with this question. The question should have been “Does creationism have a place in school” not the other way around. I was a little taken off guard by the question myself, my first thought was “Is evolution NOT taught in school???” and why the hell not? ( I’m pretty sure it is… or at least if it isn’t most teachers are aware that they cannot teach any form of science without taking it for granted ) Also, 10 years ago when I was in high school.. we did get mention of creationism, the big turtle in the sky, and a few other “religious” thoughts while speaking about evolution in my science class. But maybe my teacher was just a rogue…… 🙂

  9. Casey
    June 21, 2011 at 5:50 pm

    Again….thank you. Except for the throwing up part, bcs you were right, the video was VERY unsettling.

    I think we should treat all of the fairy tales as true stories in schools….and mythology (so we can know who to blame when it rains). Oh, WAIT, THAT’S EXACTLY what teaching “Creationism” is!!! Hmmmm, an Urban Legends are True class would be interesting; the Rise and Fall of Godzilla would be fun; oooooh, you can’t really get funkier than Scientology!! Ah, the possibilities of really fucking up our children is just endless…

  10. June 21, 2011 at 11:33 pm

    Miss Utah was my fav and I was surprised by her comment given the state. Also Vermont was goo because you could tell she was annoyed but didn’t quite feel good about saying it.

  11. June 22, 2011 at 2:33 pm

    REALLY? OEMGEE! This is crazy-pants. And Thanks for including the Norse Creation Story. 😉

  12. June 22, 2011 at 11:42 pm

    Ok. I saw this post when you first posted it and have had it sitting open on my computer, waiting for time to watch the 14 minute video. I lasted 4 minutes. What the hell is wrong with people? Ok. That’s all I can say. What the hell!

  13. Katy
    June 24, 2011 at 2:43 am

    She said “creatiatism.” That’s awesome.

  14. TechGoat
    June 27, 2011 at 3:22 am

    “Oh. Mah. Gah.

    No. Just, no. Evolution is part of the scientific lexicon and is not under any dispute. The Scopes Monkey Trial is over, Clarence Darrow prevailed and I’m willing to bet not one of these women has seen Inherit the Wind because they were all too busy coloring in pictures of Jesus with little lambs in their “My First Brainwashing Bible Activity Book” while getting their hair done.”

    I think I love you, LOL

    And I can’t watch the video right now, but I’ll return to it later. I’ve had my fill of Crazy Talk this week after having watched and listened to the Billboard Moron speak (on YouTube, interviews).

  15. Elyse
    September 1, 2011 at 9:25 pm

    late to the party…
    What gets me is this emphasis on how evolution is ‘just a theory’. That’s the basis for most of these girls’ arguments (and many other arguments). However they fail to realize (or maybe they were busy with their coloring books in physics class) that gravity is also ‘just a theory’.
    A theory in science is not the same as a theory in colloquial terms.

    Evolution is part of scientific theory, therefore it should be taught in the science classroom. All ‘theories’ of the beginning of time that came from a book without scientific studies, references, and articles in scholarly journals (Bible doesn’t count) to back them up should be taught in history class, civilizations, culture studies, literature, or religion class (for private, religious schools). The end.

    Why couldn’t anyone say that?

Comments are closed.