- Loot a liquor store.
- Point and laugh at left-behind Fred Phelps.
- Sadly ponder all the missed opportunities to follow Kirk Cameron’s advice about salvation.
- Three words: Coed. Naked. Twister.
- Learn to use sulfur fumes in molecular gastronomy.
- Party at the Playboy Mansion! Drinks of Hef!
- Grab all the stuff from a Rapture-d Extreme Couponer’s stockpile. Vitamin Water and toothpaste for everyone!
- Check how many Twitter followers you lose when they get taken up.
- Ask Jesus for an autograph.
- Quit you diet.
- Finally figure out what brimstone actually is.
- Point and laugh at left-behind Pat Buchanan.
- Tell Satan you loved him in South Park: Bigger, Longer, Uncut.
- Shop for something to wear to all the same-sex couples’ weddings that will finally get scheduled when all the right-wingers get taken up.
- Hold a rave in an empty mega-church.
- Point and laugh at left-behind Quran-buring asshole preacher.
- Lobby Congress on your favorite cause. What? They’re all still gonna be here.
- Break into the Vatican and try on the Pope’s hats.
- Go to West Virginia. I’ve heard that it’s almost heaven.
- Watch Kevin Smith’s Dogma to find loopholes for getting out of eternal damnation
- Watch the rest of Kevin Smith’s movies because they’re awesome. Except Chasing Amy. That one made me want to stick a dead mouse in Ben Affleck’s hair.
- Declare yourself a prophet. It’s worth a try, right?
- Vegas, baby!
- Spit pea soup on people like that kid in the Exorcist just to see what they do.
- Place a bet on Michigan over Ohio State for 2011 because the Rapture is the only thing that’ll bring them a win!
Gosh, thanks. I think I’m ready to rumble.
This is a great list…
Too bad OBL is dead cuz we would have had a number 26. But all the suicide bombers will have company in hell.
love the West Virginia – almost heaven one. 🙂
BEST post ever!! Only because I loved the reference to Satan in South Park’s movie because that movie is so sadly under-rated. Also the reference to Dogma for the same reason! No wonder we’re all going down, we have no appreciation for the finer things in life. Plus, I kinda love that you’re brave enough to post this! I am SO not, because my grandma “The Baptist” reads my blog!
Also – The Rapture is not coming tomorrow. Know how I know? It’s my brother’s birthday and I don’t think God has that kind of a sense of humor ;o)
I’m still alive. How ’bout you?
Okay that last one just earned you a follower. Go Bucks! Great post, by the way 🙂