The Royal Wedding: A Live Blog

4:59am: If I’d had to get up this early for my own wedding, I’d still be single…

5:00: I wish I had a hat. It would look awesome with my jammies.

5:01: FYI, I’m watching this on Public Television. To avoid the ads and also because there is a not a single newscaster on any network that I can handle at this hour.

5:03: The crowd in Hyde Park looks like the crowd at the infield of the Kentucky Derby.

5:04: Trees in Westminster Abbey? Ok…

5:06: No, not Elton John and his partner, David Furnish. David is his husband. Get it right.

5:07: I just saw a shot of a young girl along the processional route wearing a bridal veil headband but it seemed to have fuzzy ears. It made her look like a Bride Pillow Pet.

5:09: Oh! The guards on the black horses. So lovely…

5:12: Switching over to MSNBC because the announcers on PBS are making me sleepy. There is nothing Regal about Joe Scarborough.

5:13: Princes on the move! Princes on the move! Wait, why is there  a light on top of the their Rolls?

5:14: Yep. Crying. I’ve officially turned into my mother who can barely say “wedding” without tears.

5:15: Oh, it’s not a light on top of the car. It’s a little crown emblem. Ok, got it. I need coffee. If I was a Princess or a Duchess like Kate is now, someone would make me coffee.

5:19: Those uniforms are HOT! My husband wore a custom-made suit for our wedding but it didn’t have gold braid or epaulets.

5:20: Oh, dear, please get Wills to a mirror s0 he can fix his hat head.

5:21: Westminster Abbey is gorgeous but getting married in a place with lots of dead people interred under the floor might wig me out.

5:22: Good hats in the front row of the Abbey! I really wish I had a hat…

5:23: My sister just commented about the length of the aisle on Facebook. She has a good point. That is a long, long, opportunity to trip and fall.

5:24: OK, I can’t take it anymore. I need to make some coffee. Back in a bit…

5:25: Never mind coffee! Mother of the bride in an amazing hat! No crown on their car though. I guess the crown on the Princes’ car was because they’re actually royal.

5:26: I wish Joan Rivers could have interviewed the Middletons.

5:29: What’s the with vans for the Royal Family? I’d feel gypped if I was riding in a van. Rolls Royces for everyone!

5:31: Some guy on MSNBC just said that he thinks the Princes are Diana’s legacy. Um, yeah. Excellent grasp of the obvious, there.

5:32: Mrs. Middleton looks GORGEOUS! I love her hat! And the tiny necklace is brilliant. Understated and perfect. Excellent mother of the bride outfit!

5:33: Bumblebury? That’s a real town name? Snort. England is funny.

5:35: Prince Andrew is coming. I had totally forgotten about him.

5:37: Van loads of Royals spilling out onto the red carpet. Just saw a bubblegum pink outfit on a woman in her 70s. Not sure that’s a choice I’d make.

5:38: Looking at several younger Royals in amazing hats and thinking that “fascinators” may be the next big thing at the Oscars.

5:39: Charles and Camilla’s car is coming! Does anyone else always think of Gonzo from the Muppet Show and his favorite chicken when they hear that name?

5:41: Um, not sure I’m on board with Eugenie and Beatrice’s hats. Less can be more , ladies…

5:42: The Queen! The Queen! In yellow!  This means Kate is next! SQUEEEEEEEE!!!!

5:44: Camilla’s hat looks like a birdbath. Nice pearls though.

5:46: The coffee is ready but I can’t get up and risk missing the Queen.

5:47: The carloads of little bridesmaids are precious.

5:48: Kate! You still have time to bail on a lifetime of  scrutiny! You can come hide out at my house if you want!

5:49: The Queen looks lovely but sort of similar to how she always looks. Her outfits all have a certain sameness. But that sparkly brooch is sensational.

5:50: I can smell the coffee. But I can see the shot of Kate’s car waiting outside her hotel. Can’t. Move.

5:51: Kate’s in the car! The dress looks nice. Pretty flowers. There’s a photographer in blue who likes like what a hooker would look like if she were invited to the Royal wedding.

5:52: I wonder if Kate had to take a fistful of Xanax to get her through this.

5:54: On this day of historic unions, the most blessed of all is between me and my coffee. Mmmmmmm…..

5:55: Kate looks so happy.!

5:56: Knickers! Little boys in knickers! Real knickers, not underpants.

5:57: Was that Kate’s sister? She looks  a little slutty in that dress.

5:58: What is going through her mind?

5:59: FYI, I drove myself to my wedding. Too cheap for a limo and couldn’t get a cab. I wish I’d had a Rolls.

5:59: I also wish I’d had a tiara.

6:00: In fact, I’d like a tiara right now.

6:01: Oh! The dress! It’s splendid! I have never called anything splendid before in my life. It’s just perfect. Look at the embroidery on the skirt and the lace on her shoulders. Oh, yes, it’s wonderful.

6:02: I. Am. Crying.

6:03: Everyone get out of her way so she can see William, please.

6:05: OK, I need to pipe down now. Even I can’t snark an hour-long church wedding. Back on the flip side.

6:07: One last comment. Kate’s got the look brides get where they forget about the dress and flowers and all and are just happy to be marrying their love. I hope she and William can make that last.

6:08: And I hope snoopy tabloids can hold of on speculating about a pregnancy for at least a little while.

6:09: Good on Wills for saying something to make her laugh!

6:10: Ok, now I’ll really pipe down.

6:24: Is anyone else faintly disappointed that the bishop didn’t start by saying “Ma-wage. Ma-wage is what bwings us togevver today.”?

6:28: I love the music but all the little boys in the choir look like Harry Potter to me.

6:31: It seems kind of mean to have them be officially married but then make them sit there for another half hour before they can go celebrate.

6:46: C just woke up and is talking about rainbows. It’s oddly appropriate.

7:07: Bring on the coach and horses! I want the coach and horses!

7:08: Nothing can bring down the mood of a royal wedding like a child whining to change the channel to Fireman Sam.

7:09: Now Kate looks like she’s steeling herself for a lifetime of never again really being alone.

7:11: Are they not allowed to kiss now? That sucks. They look like they want to kiss.

7:12: I need to take a shower and get ready for work. Because I, sadly, did not become a Duchess or a Princes today. But the wedding was wonderful!

One last thought: For everyone who is complaining that this wedding was a  distraction from the important happenings around the world, I say yes.  It was.  For a couple of hours this morning, it was a distraction.  For a few minutes a day for the past few weeks, it was a distraction for people who tune in to the mainstream media. It was a distraction. A small one. A pleasant one. And one that was no more harmful than the American Idol episode that aired last night or a murder mystery novel or a little time on Facebook. It was a small bit of time to think about something out of the ordinary and lovely. For most of the people who paid attention to the wedding, it was not an all-consuming obsession that wedged itself between our consciousness and everything else in the world. Watching this wedding did not prevent me from making a donation to the Red Cross for disaster relief in the south or playing with my son this morning or getting on a conference call at work.  It was fun and I refuse to let a few spoilsports make me feel bad about enjoying it.

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10 comments for “The Royal Wedding: A Live Blog

  1. Amy
    April 29, 2011 at 7:51 am

    Love this and yes I shed tears too. Did you see Nicosia beckhams heels? Omg so high but she looked beautiful.
    Katherine as she is now called was a vision of bridal beauty. She looked splendid

  2. Amanda
    April 29, 2011 at 10:53 am

    and yet, unlike American Idol or the other distractions, this one was real life, history in the making, and true life story to watch, not something someone made up. I loved it.

  3. April 29, 2011 at 12:21 pm

    I would’ve enjoyed this wedding WAY more had we not been inundated with all of the to-do beforehand. I mean, why did we need to know that William’s boots had to be polished for three hours?

    I wish the media had done things in reverse: Show the wedding and then tell me about all the things leading up to it AFTER the wedding.

  4. April 29, 2011 at 6:08 pm

    *Laugh* yes!! Gonzo and Camilla – I will giggle a little every time I hear something about Prince Charles from now on. Thanks!

    Also, English place names for the win! My brother is in London in an area called Tooting. I always feel like I’m writing to a fairyland place when I think of it. How can you not like a country that calls places such silly sounding names?! :O)

  5. April 29, 2011 at 9:35 pm

    Loved your play by play. See, I didn’t need to get up at 2 am my time to watch it. Thanks

  6. April 30, 2011 at 7:53 am

    I love you! If not for your wonderful commentary, than for your final parting words. I love this kind of thing exactly for that reason. It’s a little escape to remind me that there are good things happening in the world…not just devastating, and horrific.

    I, unfortunately, was unable to drag myself out of bed for the main event. Reading your running commentary (and mirroring my thoughts on coffee) was just wonderful. Wish I could get my snark on as well as you. I am obviously not that talented!


  7. April 30, 2011 at 9:41 am

    I love this. So many people giving shit about how there are other things way more important than this wedding but it was a wonderful little distraction. It didn’t keep me from donating to the Red Cross or thinking and praying for my friends in Alabama who are now homeless. It was a wonderful reminder of how pomp and circumstance and true love can give the world a little boost, even if only until the news goes back to the regularly scheduled doom and gloom of the rest of the world.

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