25 Things You Probably Won’t Hear At The Royal Wedding

  1. My cousin had that same wedding dress! Did you get it at David’s one-day sale?
  2. Where are the couple registered?
  3. Hello, Mr. Trump. We’re so glad you could come.
  4. Did anyone remember to call the paper to place the wedding announcement?
  5. Welcome to the family, Katherine. I hope you’re as happy as William’s mother and I were.
  6. Don’t forget to tip the limo driver.
  7. I don’t care if she’s the Queen! It’s my special day!
  8. Which fork do I use?
  9. Time for the garter!
  10. Hello, Mrs. Palin. We’re so glad you could come.
  11. Princess? I thought you said that after I married you, you’d make me a vampire!
  12. But I don’t want to wear a hat!
  13. She’s keeping her name and the kids will use it too.
  14. Keg stands!!!!!!
  15. Which one is the groom’s dad, now?
  16. Camilla, you look lovely.
  17. Expecto patronum!
  18. Hello, Mrs. Rivers. We’re so glad you could come. Is Melissa with you?
  19. Pardon me, do you have any Grey Poupon?
  20. Oh look! Isn’t that the Minister of Silly Walks?
  21. Candle In The Wind
  22. Wales? I thought they were English.
  23. Chicken Dance time!
  24. Hello, Mr. Hefner. We’re so glad you could…My wife’s eyes are up higher. And she’s a Princess in line for the throne. Show some respect you filthy old perv.
  25. Kate will be appearing on the Real Housewives of the Royal Family next year.
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11 comments for “25 Things You Probably Won’t Hear At The Royal Wedding

  1. April 28, 2011 at 9:06 am


  2. April 28, 2011 at 9:12 am

    #17 cracked me up! Funny!

  3. April 28, 2011 at 9:23 am

    #4 & #5 THE BEST!!!!

  4. April 28, 2011 at 9:25 am

    haha I would totally watch Real Housewives of the Royal Family!

  5. Erica Snipes
    April 28, 2011 at 10:10 am

    he he…funny stuff! 🙂

  6. April 28, 2011 at 11:45 am

    You know – I would about believe that last one after Mob Wives came out…

  7. Avalon19
    April 28, 2011 at 12:13 pm

    11 and 17 made my day! thanks!!

  8. Mama Morales
    April 28, 2011 at 1:50 pm

    Loved #1 & #7!

  9. Amy
    April 28, 2011 at 3:04 pm

    Love this..
    other thing not heard at the wedding…
    I call Shotgun in carriage..
    You invited all your exes? WTF

  10. April 28, 2011 at 3:27 pm


    love this! Especially #17!

  11. May 4, 2011 at 10:13 pm

    So I didn’t get around to reading this until the wedding news has been supplanted other news (and our 10 second attention span), but hilarious. My favorite: #9

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