This Week in WTF

The weird levels in the world have seem a little low this week. I’m expecting an explosion of Massive Eyeball-Spinning Crazy anytime now and to tell the truth, I’m sort of looking forward to it. Meanwhile, here are a few tidbits I encountered in my perusing of the internets this week.

First is this…bra? Cosmetic garment? Medical device? I’m really not sure. The website says its will eliminate vertical cleavage wrinkles. I didn’t even know vertical cleavage wrinkles were possible, much less anything I needed to lose sleep over. Or rather spend my sleeping hours in something that looks like stripper gear gone wrong. The website recommends using cream under the bra-thing. I have a sneaking suspicion that this device is simply a good way of allowing deep moisturizing of the area – sort of like putting lotion on your feet them immediately putting socks on. So this is sort of a pedicure for your knockers.

Next we have Kevin Federline’s new girlfriend. Who is pregnant. Someone please explain to me why any woman of childbearing years would get within 50 yards of K-Fed without first wrapping herself in a double layer of latex. That man could impregnate a cactus. If the cactus was drunk enough lower her standards to the level of thinking schtupping K-Fed was a good idea. Blech.

Then we have little Miley C. dissing YouTube stars. She thinks people should put more sweat equity into being called artists.  BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! Miley thinks she’s an artist! That’s cute. I wonder if Coca-Cola and Tampax and Dran-O and other corporate products think they’re artists too. And I’m not sure the girl who used her daddy’s coattails are an avenue toward success should complain about people who don’t pay their dues.

Finally, CNBC is running ads for a special on how really, really, rich people get divorced. First of all, I don’t think that counts as “news” or “business”, the two things CNBC purports to cover. Second, I’m kind of surprised Bravo didn’t already do this as a show. It could tie-in to Real Housewives somehow and also Million Dollar Listing. Because the divorced people will all need new houses after they liquidate so they can settle in cash. Then they can call Josh Flagg who will show up unshaven and pompous and be bitchy to their lawyers and the seller’s agent and…I’m sorry, where was I? Oh right. Divorce Millionaire Style. Apparently nothing is sacred at all and no one does anything in private and CNBC had no compunctions at all about airing a documentary that actually gives tips on how to win when you’re divorcing your spouse. Because loyalty, fidelity, and honoring others isn’t what matter. Winning in court is.


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4 comments for “This Week in WTF

  1. Amy
    March 31, 2011 at 6:59 am

    Yep it is a slow week. And when I saw that Kevin Federline got new girlfriend pregnant I kept thinking how can he afford to keep doing this. He has no job, talent etc to pay for these kids. He needs to keep his pants zipped or is this his way of keeing his 15 minutes of fame going?

  2. March 31, 2011 at 7:01 am

    Boob pedicure? Now that’s just funny! I hate those vertical wrinkles. I’m pretty sure that gravity is a bigger problem.

  3. March 31, 2011 at 2:04 pm

    At the rate our society is going, I’m embracing 2012. I’ll be the crazy bastard on the street corner, holding my cardboard sign, stating “THE END IS NIGH! REPENT, SINNERS!” I’ve just lost faith in humanity. It makes me sick to call myself an American and, quite frankly, a human.

  4. March 31, 2011 at 2:46 pm

    OMG – you MUST tell @BravoAndy your idea for that show. 😉 I hate news that is not news. Totally why we watch Sponge Bob in the morning instead of The Today Show.

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