This Week in WFT

Has everyone gone completely around the bend this week? It seems like everywhere I turn there’s a big, steaming pile of WTF on the sidewalk and I have to do fancy footwork to avoid stepping in it. And that’s without tuning in to any of the Charlie Sheen Crash Watch coverage. Something I won’t do because that man is clearly in the throes of a serious pyschotic episode and I’m pretty sure he’s going to decide he can literally fly and jump off a bridge if he doesn’t get treatment for his delusions soon. So, yeah, even without that, there’s more than a little crazy going on.

First there’s the news that one of those Salahi people is getting kicked off Celebrity Rehab for…wait for it…not actually being addicted to anything. Yeah. You read that right. She faked her way into rehab the same way she faked her way into a White House State Dinner. That’s…totally whack. Apparently she does have MS and her husband says she and Dr. Drew are friends but I’m betting that friendship is more like she met him at a party once, wept to him about some manufactured issue, and now texts him so often that he’s considered changing his number.

Up on Capitol Hill, the Homeland Security Committee is holding hearings to investigate the alleged problem of the radicalization of the American Islamic community. Unbeknownst to me, there are apparently hordes of “radicalized Muslims” who was bound and determined to…I’m not sure. I’m kind of stuck on the word radicalized. Every time I hear “radicalized Muslims” I think of “Afrincanized bees” and wonder if the people holding the hearing think that swarms of Muslims are going to come after them like the mythical killer bees we were all supposed to worry about back in the 90s. I’ve never met a radicalized Muslim, only Muslims who go to work, raise their kids, and complain about gas prices so I’m having a hard time mustering up the level of hysteria Homeland Security Chair Peter King (R-NY) thinks is appropriate. Probably he’s right and I’m just hanging around with the wrong Muslims. Clearly, I need to seek out more radical friends.

Newt Gingrich made more tracks on the 2012 Presidential campaign trail by going on the Christian Broadcasting Network where he fielded questions about the time he left his wife for another woman. No, not the wife with cancer, the one with MS. He left Cancer Wife for MS Wife then left MS Wife for his current wife who was a staffer on the House Committee on Agriculture while he was Speaker of the House. He admits that leaving wives for other women is inappropriate and explains it by saying that he loved his country so much and worked so hard that he ended up having the affair. Yeah. I know. It didn’t make any sense to me either. All I can get is that Newt is trying to spin martial infidelity as an act of extreme patriotism, which may or may not give us all license to hire a hooker for ourselves on the 4th of July to show our love for America.

Finally, in the wide world of the media, NPR suffered some fallout after one of their top fundraisers was caught on tape saying mean things about the Tea Party during what he thought was a private meeting with potential donors who claimed to be representatives of a Muslim educational foundation with millions of dollars to give NPR. One thing that struck me as wildly fucked up about that story is that the man behind the camera is right-wing filmmaker James O’Keefe of ACORN-pimp-video fame, who I think should be in jail for conspiracy to commit sexual assault after his plot to seduce CNNs Abbie Boudreau and film it as revenge for what he perceived as unfairly critical reporting about him. The other fucked up thing is that the fundraiser went out on this lunch with representatives of a purported multi-million dollar organization without, apparently, checking out the organization’s bona fides. What kind of fundraiser shows up for a major meeting like that without doing their research? I was a fundraiser for a couple of years and believe you me, background research on potential donors was par for the course. Either O’Keefe and company set up a good shell or this guy didn’t do his homework. If that’s the case, NPR is better off without him.

I’m sure I’ve missed some more crazy out there but frankly I can barely handle all of this. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m feeling patriotic and need to find a Congressional staffer to seduce.