25 Things I Never Said Before I Was A Parent


  1. Do you need to poop?
  2. Don’t bite your coat.
  3. Couches aren’t for jumping.
  4. Don’t lick the window of the Metro.
  5. Don’t lick the counter at Johnny Rockets.
  6. Don’t lick the playground.
  7. Don’t lick the snot off your face, let Mommy wipe your nose.
  8. Are you sure you don’t need to poop?
  9. We don’t play football in the living room.
  10. You need to wear pants today.
  11. Walking feet!
  12. Listening ears!
  13. Gentle hands!
  14. Can you try going poop?
  15. Don’t eat ketchup with your fingers.
  16. To infinity and beyond!
  17. Please take one bite of hot dog.
  18. Keep your hands off the garbage can!
  19. I don’t think you’ll like sand but you can taste it if you really want to.
  20. No, the wall’s all fixed already. You don’t need to hammer it.
  21. Rawr! I’m a dragon! Oh – you got me!
  22. Good job pooping! I’m proud of you!
  23. No, we can just flush the poop. You don’t need to look at it any more.
  24. Do you need more hugs?
  25. Night-night buddy. I love you best of all.
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15 comments for “25 Things I Never Said Before I Was A Parent

  1. Shelley
    March 25, 2011 at 8:40 am

    Seriously glad I’m not the only one who has to tell my kid repeatedly to not touch the trash can.

  2. March 25, 2011 at 9:07 am

    The poop ones make me laugh. It is SO true!

  3. Jenny
    March 25, 2011 at 10:42 am

    You’ll be saying #23 until he’s 57.

  4. March 25, 2011 at 10:47 am

    Hilarious and so true!

  5. Lori
    March 25, 2011 at 10:55 am

    I repeatedly have to tell my 2yr old to get her hands out of the back of her pants. “Get your hand out of your pants!!” over and over again. Lovely!!

  6. March 25, 2011 at 11:03 am

    Love it!!!!

  7. Emily
    March 25, 2011 at 11:04 am

    Unfortunately, Jenny isn’t too far off about #23. My husband is 35 and mt step-son is 15 and they send each other cell phone pics of their poop.

  8. Emnija
    March 25, 2011 at 11:29 am

    To my two year old daughter: leave your vagina alone!
    Please don’t yell vagina!
    Boys know they have a penis, you don’t need to tell them!
    Please leave my belly button alone!

  9. March 25, 2011 at 1:51 pm

    Ka-Chow! *fistpump*

  10. Gottriplets
    March 25, 2011 at 2:54 pm

    “don’t sit on your yogurt”
    “you can have naked time tonight”

  11. amy
    March 25, 2011 at 3:42 pm

    Also….get your hands out of your pants.
    leave it for the bedtime.
    Leave the dog alone
    what’s on your face?

  12. March 25, 2011 at 3:56 pm

    Good ones.
    Some of mine:
    Why are you naked?
    Don’t sit on your sisters head!
    Leave the dog’s butt alone!
    Is that a happy dance or a potty dance?

    I could go on and on. 🙂

  13. March 25, 2011 at 4:33 pm

    I love this!!

  14. March 25, 2011 at 5:08 pm

    once again you have summed up my life.

    Esp the “you have to wear pants today”

    we went to the playground yesterday: one kid in pj’s, one in his robe, one dressed – but he’s not quite 2 so I dress him. Couldn’t be bothered fighting the others to get dressed.

    It only occurred to me to check that kid #2 had something on -under- his robe once we got to the park. He said “yes, that’s why I have to wear my robe” but with a grin. so I chased him round the slide to check. Thankfully he had underwear on. *phew* #Notscaringothermumsattheplaygroundmuch

    Later kid #3 went paddling in the pool fully clothed. Couldn’t be bothered fighting him to get his togs on. Plus at least he was warm that way, given it was an outdoor pool and it’s autumn here now, so it’s getting kinda chilly.

    #mumfail. What can I say? It was friday.

    But at least they were happy. :O)

  15. April 7, 2011 at 11:50 pm

    Awesome! So true!!

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