I’m not good at delayed gratification. For evidence of this I present Exhibit A: The bag of Trader Joe’s chocolate covered toffee popcorn that I bought to be my little treat every night after work this week. It’s sitting beside me and I’m eating it by the fistful as my reward for doing laundry and writing blog posts. It’s yummy. I’m weak. I like treats. And I like them NOW.

What? So, I like treats for doing things I should be doing anyway. It’s not like I demand three M&Ms every time I poop like SOME people who live in my house.

For the record my husband doesn’t like M&Ms so just relax and stop speculating.

Yes, I know not liking M&Ms is weird. He and lots of other good qualities. Like never eating the last M&Ms.

I have treats on the brain because I’m in the middle of a project at work that requires me to make a series of phone calls that are a little like trying to smile and sound polite while suffering through the worst case of constipation in the history of bungholes. I bribe myself through the calls by promising myself a treat for every 10 calls I accomplish. Usually this treat is Twitter because I apparently have a very low threshold for what constitutes a treat but hey. It’s the middle of the work day. It’s not like I can nip out for a pedicure. And if I could, I’d smear it putting on heavy socks and boots because it so freaking cold.

A couple of years ago I survived a spring and summer that included me spearheading four major events in five months. My treat for that was buying myself dresses after each one. That was kind of a mixed result because I can’t wear any of the dresses without remembering the exhausting whirl of volunteer travel arrangements, meeting schedules and speaking agendas. But I look cute so it’s worth it.

The next few months at work are going to suck. The work is going to be heavy on detail, low on gratification, and high on deadlines. I am going to need lots and lots of treats. Normally, I would go for small treats on a compressed schedule, like a candy bar every afternoon or a new lipstick every payday. Except that my butt has reached it’s candy capacity from all the toffee-chocolate-popcorn action and I don’t actually wear lipstick, I just own them and store them in a large box by my dressing table waiting for the day when my son refuses to let me kiss him in public anymore. Once I’m not in danger of leaving lipstick on little cheeks, I’ll wear it again.

So for this stretch’o’stress I’m going to try delayed gratification. I’m going for the big score: I want an iPad.

I don’t actually know what I would use an iPad for, really, but I’m an Apple user and there’s apparently an ordinance requiring us all to lust after everything Steve Jobs ever sold. I know it would be a groovy ereader and I could maybe play Angry Birds on a bigger screen and perhaps it would take my blogging to a new level. The possibilities seem endless.

I have opened a special savings account called the Mommy’s Special Treat fund. I usually give myself an allowance of about $100 per week for incidentals and fun stuff. My strategy is to deny myself fun stuff and stick the money I save into the Treat Fund and eventually it will be enough for an iPad. This may mean that I have to break into dentist’s offices to snatch old copies of US Weekly since I won’t be buying it for myself but it’ll be worth it when I can read it on my iPad. Right? RIGHT? Because Kody Brown and his family just moved to Nevada and it’s going to suck not buying magazines to keep up with their wacky polygamous antics. So someone needs to tell me that Kody’s hair will be all douche-tastic on whatever pop culture app I can get for an iPad. I can hardly wait!

But wait, I must. So far I have about $40 saved. Which is less than a tenth of the cost of an iPad. Which is a little discouraging. And makes me want a treat jut for being virtuous enough to save $40.

Yeah. This could be a struggle. Maybe I need to treat myself with some M&Ms. Just to keep myself going.

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10 comments for “Treats

  1. TheNextMartha
    January 19, 2011 at 10:39 am

    My husband doesn’t let me touch his ipad. He loves it that much.

  2. January 19, 2011 at 10:55 am

    I like your idea. I like it a lot. I think I may have to incorporate it into my work day. Like if I meet my billables for the month, I get a treat.

    Hmmm…. what will my treat be?

    Okay yeah. An IPad. I don’t know why I want one. It looks like a giant phone and I imagine typing on it would be difficult w/o an attached keypad, which then makes it just a monitor which I can get for a lot cheaper at Best Buy. But I still want it.

  3. January 19, 2011 at 11:17 am

    Who doesn’t like M&M’s? I can’t get past it…I’m disturbed.

  4. January 19, 2011 at 12:10 pm

    I also have no need for an iPad at all but want one SO SO MUCH. Have you seen the super cute cases people sell to keep them in? LOVE.

    I think I’ll buy myself one as a treat for keeping two kids alive for 3 months. 2 months left to go!

  5. January 19, 2011 at 12:51 pm

    I would love to get an iPad too – and absolutely don’t need one either.

  6. January 19, 2011 at 2:04 pm

    I never got the need for an iPad. I have a smartphone (Evo) which is pretty large and I have the Amazon app on it and can read magazines and books to my hearts content and can do almost anything on it. So not super sure why I would ever, ever need one of those. 🙂

  7. January 19, 2011 at 4:51 pm

    I didn’t think I wanted an i-Pad, until my husband got one as a birthday present. Now I hide “my” i-Pad from the rest of the family. I love it. I purposely arrive places early so I am left with nothing to do but read or play.

    But I think you should be allowed the sweets too!

  8. January 19, 2011 at 6:05 pm

    I love love love my Ipad. Seriously. It is the single best purchase I have ever made. And it only strengthened my belief that those Apple people are magical little fairy people with the best development team EVER!

    Long ago, when I went to marriage therapy with my ex husband, I was told I had a “delay of gratification problem.” Apparently, I was denying myself things until a better or right time. I no longer do that. Hence, the Ipad, bought with poker winnings!

    xo Susie

  9. January 20, 2011 at 10:59 pm

    Well, now I want to go to Trader Joe’s to get that toffee popcorn. It’s awesome. If you’re potty training, I think that whenever that’s over you’re owed an iPad. Potty training is no fun. You should reward yourself.

  10. March 19, 2011 at 5:51 pm

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