As many of you know, Kardashian Konfidential comes out next week and the Pulitzer Committee is probably sharpening its pencils to cast ballots for it as the greatest work of literature of 2010. Or perhaps they just want to correct the spelling of “konfidential”. Hard to say. Whatever the case, I am sending one last letter to try and get a free copy of this book to review. My previous attempts have been met with silence but I think this one will really turn things around. Keep your fingers crossed for me.
To Whom It May Concern:
I am a mom-blogger and Kardashian devotee in the DC area. I have been watching the wacky antics of Kourtney, Kim, and Khloe since their first season and their impact on my life has been marked. Those girls have given me countless hours of entertainment and tons of blog fodder and that’s all I can really ask for at this point in my life. I’m a working mom with very few free hours and need a lot of bang for my buck. Tuning in to the Kardashians is always sure to give me 30 minutes of sheer, unfettered WTF action, whether it’s Khloe speaking to her husband entirely in baby-talk, Kourtney staring blankly at her baby daddy as he lurches drunkenly about the kind of restaurant I couldn’t afford in my wildest dreams, Kim lamenting her singleness to her publicist who tells her to focus on the career he gets 10% of, or their mom Kris trying to pretend like she’s not reading from a script each episode.
Now, I want to take things to the next level and delve more deeply into the inner Kardashian workings by reading their book. I’d love a free copy for review so I can share the most tantalizing details with my readers (but not too many since I’m trying to boost sales by sending my fans scurrying to their local bookstores to pick up a copy. That’s just the kind of influence I wield.). But I understand there needs to be a quid pro quo. So, in return for a review copy of the book, I’m offering this idea for the latest spoke in the Kardashian wheel of world domination. You ready for this? Dash DC.
That’s right. DC is RIPE for a branch of the super-swanky clothing store those girls have brought to LA, Miami and now New York. And DC is the new “it” spot for reality tv. We have had Real Housewives and a Real World. Now we need a hot place for shopping and three raven haired celebutants to show us the way.
Plus, not only has the world of reality tv come to DC at long last, but we also have a sudden influx of Republicans. As we all have heard, these good souls are ready to create some magic shift in fiscal policy that will result in all of us having giant duffle bags bursting with money stacked in our closets. And where better to spend this Tea Party-favor than in a high end clothing store? Yes, the real upside of a change in power will be in the aggregate style of the residents of DC. No more pinstriped suits here, nosiree! Just as soon as the recession ends (and I’m sure that will happen the day after John Boehner takes the Speaker’s gavel), we’ll all take our new-found wealth and spend like a Hilton in Kardashian paradise.
I say you trot off and take this idea of mine to Ryan Seacrest. He’s sure to start scouting locations in Georgetown as soon as he hears it and the Reliable Source column will be rife with Kardashian sightings in no time. Meanwhile, in thanks for my lighting the way to the next step for your authors, can you please send me a review copy of Kardashian Konfidential? Thanks!