Thanksgiving is a week away and I don’t know what I’m doing for it yet. It’s no big deal: we’ll either go over to my husband’s aunt’s house or have her over to ours. She’s local so either way it’s pretty low stress. I just need to know how much grocery shopping I need to do. I’m not stressed about it because I’ve got time to prepare in either case.
Which is why I find it so fucking annoying that I have to be stressed about Christmas instead.
You now when it’s appropriate to begin the countdown to Christmas? At the end of the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade when Santa rolls on by. Anything before that is unseemly. The appearance of Christmas gear at my local Target on Halloween day is flat out obscene. Yeah, you read that right. I was in Target Halloween morning and their staff was hauling down the pumpkins and raising the mistletoe without even a deep breath to mark the segue. And Thanksgiving? Fuggedaboutit. Thanksgiving does not, apparently, have enough retail markup.
I was grossed out.
Then I freaked because I need tree ornaments in a big way. We’ve always had a table-top sized artificial tree but now that we’re in a real house, we’re going to get a big tree. That means we need to stock up on lights, colored balls, a star for the top and who knows what all else. I haven’t thought about it because Christmas is over a month away and I don’t even know if I need to buy a turkey for Thanksgiving yet. I should have plenty of time to get tree decorations. Except that I’m pretty sure I don’t. I’m pretty sure that the slavering retail hordes are at Target right this second buying up all the cute ornaments so that when December rolls around and normal people like me start planning for Christmas, all that will be left will be Buzz Lightyear commemorative plastic globes and strings of lights in weird colors like neon green and yellow. Which means if I want to have a non-tacky Christmas tree, I need to toss my principles aside and start shopping now.
Do you have any idea how much that pisses me off?
I don’t want to let Target and it’s brethren determine my holiday schedule. I don’t want to have to bend to the ever-accelerating holiday retail calendar that would have me stocking up on valentines on New Year’s Eve and Easter Peeps on February 15. I don’t like celebrating a holiday for a full month (or more). It’s gauche. And exhausting.
But. But I don’t want my Christmas tree to reflect a “end of season clearance” theme either. So I’m going to capitulate and hit the stores next weekend to buy ornaments. But I won’t like it. And I will kick the first person to cue up any Christmas carol sung by the Chipmunks. Just sayin’.