Mama Kat’s Writers Workshop: Sound Bites

Now this is easy don’t you think?

4.) Open letter to a celebrity.

I’m actually going to change it up a little and write some very short messages to a number of celebrities that only merit a text message, not a full-on letter.

Dear David Hasslehoff:

Roasts won’t help. Tangos won’t help. Spandex pants REALLY won’t help. Go gently into that good Knight and let us remember you as you were.


Dear Paris Hilton:

You tried to avoid a possession arrest by saying you thought the coke in your purse was…gum. Please don’t breed.


Dear People on The Spin Crowd (my new E! reality guilty pleasure):

You give celebrities opportunities to be more famous. Please don’t confuse that with doing something important.


Dear Bethenney Frankel:

Who are you? Seriously. Who are you?


Dear Jesse James and Kat Von D:

Get a room!



Nothing related to the Real Housewives franchises is news. Please stop reporting on it like it is.


Dear Tiger Woods:

A $54 million compound as a bachelor pad? Is not making us like you any better.


Dear Miley Cyrus:

What the hell happened here?


Dear Michael Douglas:

Best wishes for a full recovery from cancer!


Mama's Losin' It

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5 comments for “Mama Kat’s Writers Workshop: Sound Bites

  1. CDG
    September 2, 2010 at 7:46 am


    A bunch of that stuff was like like, who? what?

    I need to watch more TMZ.

  2. September 2, 2010 at 10:35 am

    The pic of Miley and Lil Kim is totally surreal.

  3. September 2, 2010 at 11:06 am

    Wait… are Jesse James and Kat Von D together?

    ‘Cause I missed that.

    And wow.

  4. September 2, 2010 at 11:18 am

    WOW! It’s puffy over spray-tanned Miley! Blech.

    Paris Hilton should never ever breed.

  5. September 2, 2010 at 1:14 pm

    I almost did this one. You know, because it seems like so many celebrities could use a stern talking to by someone who actually deserves to be famous, me. Can’t figure out why they’re all so effed up because I’m pretty sure 99% of my problems could be solved with gold (way more better than cash). Well all of them except the ones Dumb Dad is keeping the bed warm for, like T.I. and Justin and Eminem (yeah, I said it), and the relatively unknown cutie from The Backup Plan who I would seriously donate a kidney to enjoy. They, despite having arrest records and whatnot, are faultless because being that sexy can’t be wrong.

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