Deep Thoughts


This is barely a post. This a collection of questions that have popped into my mind this week. I apologize for not having anything better to write.

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Why do some men sit with their knees so far apart that they’re invading the seats on either side of them? Are they airing out their crotches? Or are they trying to convince us that they’re soooooo well endowed that they need to hold their legs that far apart?

The cakes on Amazing Weddings Cakes always look really pretty but no one talks about how they taste. The cakes always seem to be a couple days old by the time they’re delivered so are they stale?

Why are there never any men in birth control commercials?

Are Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt talking about getting back together to get more publicity or because they’ve realized that no on else will touch their skanky asses?

Women only got the right to vote 90 years ago. How come women don’t camp out overnight at polling places? We should be all “We’re here to VOTE, suckahs! Because we CAN!” instead of taking it for granted.

Does taking off a tie at the end of the day of the bring men the same sort of bliss that taking off pantyhose brings women?

Why do diapers have designs? They hold poop. Does anyone really think that being cute makes that less  fundamentally icky?

Why on earth does my son think revolving doors are called “marshmallows”?

Why are Kathie Lee and Hoda that odd shade of orange? And don’t you think they’d both look younger if they stopped with the fake-n-bake?

If a movie wins the Oscar for best director and best screenplay, shouldn’t it win best film just by default?

What does Santa do if he has to go to the bathroom? Maybe instead of milk and cookies, we should leave him a copy of Sports Illustrated and a scented candle.

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That’s it. That’s all I’ve got. Tomorrow will be better. I promise.

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8 comments for “Deep Thoughts

  1. September 16, 2010 at 8:42 am

    Yes, if a film wins for Best Director and Screenplay, it should win by default. Definitely.

    Great post! 🙂

  2. September 16, 2010 at 9:35 am

    I love watching those cake shows too but then all I think about is how any time I’ve spent way too much money for a cake it was probably at least 3 days old. And that weirds me out.

  3. September 16, 2010 at 10:41 am

    This post reminds me of SNL…love deep thoughts!

  4. KLZ
    September 16, 2010 at 2:40 pm

    I really don’t get the fake and bake. I’ve done it once or twice to get some base color. But overall it’s scary to me that I could be so orange. I guess you must just get “tan blind” and not realize you look like a carrot?

  5. liltoastfairy
    September 16, 2010 at 8:43 pm

    revolving doors = marshmallows. there will be a connection in his head I promise. However obscure.
    One of my kids used to ask for a drink of “door” it took me a while to work out he wanted milk. coz we kept it in the door of the fridge. that makes sense. :O/
    I Love the words kids use for things….as long as I can translate them!

  6. September 17, 2010 at 11:10 am

    Love the marshmallow revolving door thing. Is it one of those things that you purposely don’t correct and you secretly hope that he continues to say forever? I have a lot of those things. Then I realize that my kid will be mocked and look like an idiot, but still. I want him to always say “open please” as he steps on the automatic door thingy and think that the door is responding to his polite request. I want him to always thing that things “blow” in the dark and a million other silly things.

  7. FoxyDenMom
    September 20, 2010 at 11:28 pm

    I’ve also wondered about the dipes…wishing they’d save me some money by doing away w/ the character designs that w/out would probably cut the cost by more than half…

    Haven’t seen the dynamic broadcasting duo in a while…but you’d think the networks and lighting staff might have a way to turn down their carroty-hue…

    and YES, you’re on the money re: the tie and panty-hose thing.

    But as for the male leg-spread thing…I think they really need a chiropractor…and a mamma to slap them up side their head to give them clue about their place in the world…so they realize how inconsiderate that posture IS…regardless of WHY it is.

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