From 2000 to 2005, I lived alone. I had a series of apartments in different places and I lived completely by myself. This was a revelation for me after years of living with roommates. The liberation from sharing a shower and dealing with other people’s dirty dishes was intoxicating. I didn’t have to compromise on tv! I could make pop-corn at midnight! I could get a cat!
For all those years, I live alone with incident. It was all good – I spent evenings curled up on my couch with a book or my tv or on the phone and not a worry in the world.
So can you explain to me why I’ve been a neurotic mess, jumping at every shadow during the week that my husband has been away?
I’m a mess. I’ve been sleeping in the guest room next to C’s room and tip-toeing around listening at all doors and windows. I damn near wet my pants when I saw a shadow moving at the bottom of the stairs. It was the cat. Of course it was.
I also have no idea how to entertain myself after C goes to bed. I’m finding that being a paranoid wreck is not a very good way of passing the time. Here’s a basic rundown of how my evenings go:
6:45 Arrive home with C
7:00 Give C dinner while he watches Fireman Sam
7:20 Announce that bathtime is coming up
7:22 Chase C into the kitchen where he’s hiding from the threat of bathtime.
7:27 Wrestle C out of his clothes and into a bathtub
7:28 Allow C to be bathed standing up
7:35 Wrap C in towel
7:36 Turn back on C
7:37 Chase C out of kitchen where he has run to avoid bedtime
7:40-8:30 Stories, cuddles, lie on couch in Cs room wile he goes to sleep
8:30 Emerge into living room
8:31 Survey toys scattered about
8:32 Decide to ignore toys, make my dinner
8:40 Jump at noises
8:45 Jump at shadows
8:50 Turn on DVR’d episode of Kardashians, become totally engrossed
9:25 Hear noise, freeze on couch, mute Kardashians to listen, determine that it’s cat licking wet toys in the bathtub
9:26 Wonder why I have a cat
9:28 Remember laundry is in the dryer in the basement
9:29 Stand at top of basement steps
9:30 Listen intently for noises in the basement
9:31 Walk down one step toward the basement
9:32 Back up the step, decide laundry can wait until daylight
9:33 Find another episode of Kardashians to distract me form imaginary noises in basement
10:00 Give up and go to bed
The good news? I only have two more nights of this before my husband gets home. Until then, you can find me in the guest room, jumping at shadows.