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I have been to Mommyland. And I will never be the same.
As you might recall, the ever-so-fabulous Kate and Lydia of Rants from Mommyland invited me to participate in their t-box taste test n Friday night, which set me all a-flutter. I mean Kate and Lydia are amazing. They write the funniest stuff ever and make me feel like I’m not the only mom who is struggling to keep at least 2/3 of the balls in the air while kicking the remaining balls under the couch where no one will spot them and judge me for letting them drop. And they wanted me to come drink with them. SQUEEEE!!!!! Of course I accepted. I styled my hair nicely. I bought cupcakes (What? I don’t have time to bake.). And I arrived at Casa Kate in time to break open the first t-box.
What followed? Is nothing short of comedic and oeneological genius. Just read about it. But you’re probably wondering about what didn’t make it into the live blog. You want to know more about Kate and Lydia, don’t you? You want…dirt.
OK here goes.
Kate: Kate is hot. Really hot. From her perfectly styled hair to her Jimmy Choos, she is enviably hot. And she was wearing white pants. Actually, I was too, but unlike Kate’s, mine had dirty sneaker prints on them. I think Kate is the kind of mom who has kids whose sneakers repel dirt. Fortunately, her mouth is as dirty as her pants were clean and she spent the night evening draining wine glasses and saying “Giddyup, mother-f@cker! Fill this baby up!”. I want to be her when I grow up, lose 20 pounds, and find a live-in hairstylist.
Lydia: Lydia is always talking on their blog about how she spills stuff on her boobs. Well, yeah, but it’s because her boobs are amazing and stuff is naturally attracted to them! Hell, I considered copping a feel (but let’s not talk more about that.) She is also incredibly cultured and educated as evidenced by a CD she made for the evening that included songs by Amy Winehouse and Tenacious D. Plus, she has perfect blonde highlights and hair that doesn’t frizz. We were outside all night and it didn’t frizz! How is that fair? You know what my hair looked like when I got home? A Brillo pad.
Law Momma: Law Momma wasn’t there but she totally should have been.
Kate and Lydia’s friends: OK, remember the girls you used to call at 11pm on a Friday and say “I’m bored and out of vodka and we need to go out RIGHT NOW so put on a push-up bra because I’m on my way over there!”? Those are Kate and Lydia’s friends. And they are the reason I may or may not have peed myself a little from laughing.
T-boxes: Have you even been to France and had the wine there? That is nothing like drinking a t-box. While the merlot won the contest because it smelled good and didn’t make anyone spit it into the flower beds, I still wouldn’t call it good. And the sangria? Would probably work as nail polish remover. And yet, I found a mini-t-box of the sangria in my purse the next morning. I blame Lydia.
The Hangover: Epic. I’m typing this with sunglasses on.
I can’t tell you how happy I am that I got the chance to swill box wine with such fabulous ladies on Friday night. I hope they invite me back real soon. If their neighbors allow it. And their husbands don’t lock the doors when they see my car.
Lydia here. Your new best friend? Thank you for the kind things you said about my boobs. I notice you didn’t mention the majestic splendor of my enormous ass… I guess it was all too much for you. I am so glad you came so that I can tell the world how incredibly cool and smart and hilarious you are in person. Glad you had fun and weren’t too horrified by the mayhem. You are awesomeness in blogger form.
I hate you.
I mean, I don’t really hate you because you’re fabulous. But I do hate that you got to drink with Lydia and Kate. Although, I’m fairly certain I would have been overwhelmed by everyone’s funny and would have been all “Knock? Knock?” just trying to fit in.
Then someone would have asked me to leave or “accidentally” moved the party elsewhere while I was in the bathroom.
Fabulous recap Rebekah! I was soooo jealous Friday night reading all of your tweets!
Awesome. When y’all go on tour, make sure you plan a night here. I don’t know about the t-box, but I have other lovely libations to share. Sounded like a great night.