So, we bought a house, you see. It’s really cute. Lots of space, a yard with a garden, even a shed in the backyard. I really like it.
But I don’t know what to do with it.
Like the paint. The previous owner liked very pale wall colors. So pale that I sit there, staring intently at the walls trying to figure out if they’re actually pained a color or the pinkish hue is just a trick of the light. That’s not what I’m looking for in a paint job. I’d like some more personality. After upmteen years of renting, I have seen enough beige walls to feel strongly that I never want indeterminate wall colors around me again. I want Bold! I want Daring! I want Color! What Color? I don’t know. Just some Color. Of paint. That I would get at a paint store, right? And apply using rollers and those slanted pans? And that blue tape! I need some of that! Wait? Do I need drop clothes? Or can I just spread newspaper on the floor? Oh hell. This is really complicated and maybe I can live with super pale pink walls in my guest room after all.
No. I am a grown woman with years and years of education, some of it actually in painting (I was a theatre major and got credit for painting sets. Yes, my college education was more fun than yours.). The only thing standing between me and walls that I actually like looking at is fear of home improvement. I mean, whats the worst that can happen with something as simple as painting? I get paint on the rug? The rug in my guest room is fugly. Paint might be an improvement. I should just go for this, right?
Right . You’re right. I can totally paint a room. In fact, I WILL paint a room. And when I do I’ll blog about it. And post pictures. because now that I’ve confronted my fear and remembered that I actually did pretty well at scenery painting in college, I feel pretty confident that I can walk into Home Depot this weekend and walk out with a bucket full of happiness and maybe some handy flyers with instructions just in case I was drunk in college and don’t remember all the finer details of painting.
So we’re good on painting. But what am I supposed to do about THIS?
That is my kitchen. And yes, the wallpaper is plaid. Green and red plaid. How do I get it off there? Seriously. I want it off so my kitchen walls stop looking like the Ghosts of Christmas Bleah. I actively dislike being in my kitchen because of this, which is tragic because it gets wonderful light all morning and into the early afternoon. But the wallpaper is depressing, ugly and peeling a bit at the seams. Which makes me want to yank on it HARD and see what happens. But I know enough to know that yanking won’t get it all down. I asked a friend who knows about such things and she used words like “steamer” and “scorer”. Do I get those in the same place at Home Depot that has the drop cloths and blue tape? This was not covered in college, even in the classes that covered painting.
Then there’s our upstairs shower which is the size of a phone booth and appears to be one of those prefab things that installs in one piece. The Great Guy I Married commented on how little he liked it at our walk through the day we closed on this place and our realtor said it was easy to replace a shower like that. Great! But…um…how? Is it like Ikea furniture that can all be assembled and disassembled with an allen wrench? Or do I need a professional plumber?
And we’d like give up part of our front lawn and put in a driveway. Is there a driveway store?
How about refinishing hardwood floors? You know, the ones under my fugly guest room carpet? Does Home Depot have a flyer on that?
And we want a dishwahser but we were told we need a new electrical outlet and the guy we talked to can do that but he has to cut into the basement ceiling and that means more painting. And spackle.
(leans head on desk)
You know what I need? Not home improvement help. I need homeowner improvement help. Because clearly? This is going to be a looonnnnggggg process.