Guest Blogger: TheNextMartha


TheNextMartha is a only blogger in the sense that she has a blog about gifted children and has posted to it. But she would not call herself a blogger so I won’t either.  I’m going to call her a force of Twitter.  EVERYONE follows her.  I think it’s a law that if you have a mommy blog, you must follow TheNextMartha on Twitter.  Which is a good thing.  Because she’s awesome.  Wanna know why?

1. She totally agrees with me that this video of Martha Stewart putting a chicken to sleep is a forerunner to Martha Stewart creating an army of zombie chickens to bring about the Zombie Chicken Apocalypse.

2. She was able to name a lot of the flowers in my garden so I could look up how not to kill them

3. She discovered a blog called No Points For Style, written by the mom of a 7-year-old with severe bi-polar disorder.  She decided to bring the blog to everyone’s attention and waged a Twitter-storm to publicize it.  Her efforts got a lot of traffic to the blog, including the Little Bean coffee and tea company which is now donating $2 to NoStylePoint’s Albuquerque NAMI walk team for each coffee or tea purchase (code NAMI at check-out).  That is called Using Your Powers For Good. And for that she rocks.

So, I thought it would be spectacularly awesome to ask her to write a guest post for me because I want to hear from her in more than 140 characters.  So without further ado, TheNextMartha!

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Texas Balls

Who asks someone to guest post when they don’t even blog?  Someone with Texas balls and in this case it’s Rebekah.  This is my first time doing something like this so I hope I don’t stink up the joint.  Alert:  I am not a writer and do not play one online.

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You know what makes me want to breathe into a paper bag?  Hearing the words “I need to travel next week” from my husband.  He then talks about where he’s going and what he’s doing but I don’t hear him.  My head is only thinking of being alone with my kids for a longer period of time than should be legal.  Don’t get me wrong, I love my kids.  We all love our kids.  We love our kids for breakfast, clean up, snack, lunch, clean up, nap, no nap, snack, dinner, snack, bath time, reading time, bed time, and on and on.  How many days did you say?  Five, AND you have to leave on Sunday? I need that bag now please.

Truthfully, I can do this.  If you ever find yourself in this position, believe in yourself and stock up on whatever it is that makes you happy.  For me this was a trip to Trader Joes.  They have this incredibly appealing chocolate candy section that I will stock up on.  I also got some pre-packaged meals and flowers.  The flowers are to distract me when I start to yell “Hey will you two stop….oh, look pretty flowers.”  I found out though the flowers don’t work when I’m outside.

On Monday I am in the backyard with my almost 3 year old playing in his sandbox.  I am watching my garden start to grow, waiting for all my hard work from last year to rear its beautiful self.  I catch a glance of sandbox boy with water coming out of his mouth.  Wait, I should clarify: with pond sludge liquid oozing down his chin.  Immediately my mind races with thoughts of giardia.  Then I flip to images of high fever with vomit and nuclear diarrhea that will certainly occur at 3am and 4am and again at 5:30am.  A minor freak out may have happened at which I may have flipped sandbox over to get all pond sludge ecoli water out of it.  We’re in a holding pattern for this outcome

Tuesday we seem o.k. and I’ve cleared him to go to backpacking in Mexico some day.  We pick up school boy and I had to do a quick stop at the store because we were out of juice.  I realized that I forgot my wallet at home and had to go home to get it.  We got the wallet and headed back.  I went for juice and what I left with was 27 items that I like to refer to as “the 2010 tour of snacks.”   As you may know going to the grocery store with kids actually costs you 50% more. Maybe my defenses were already being stressed because chips ahoy, cheetos, drumsticks, taffy apples, mint milanos, and two forms of hotdogs both the corn and bagel variety all made it into the cart.  Upon finishing our “tour” we went to check out.  I don’t know about anyone else but I always feel like I’m being judged by the snacks I buy.  Like my face will be put a poster for “Junk Food Moms.”  So I try and not make eye contact with the check out woman until I hear “declined.”  I look up and say “what? I’m sorry, let me try another card.”  It works and she asks “Do you want cash back?”  Let’s just say no because you already think that I’m paying the minimum $12.00 on this bill this month if you think I pay bills at all.  To clear the air the credit card company put a hold on the joint card that my husband and I use. There were out of state charges due to his traveling and they put a fraud alert on it.  What a great credit card company to be so diligent.  Good for them, but what about me?  To fix my ego next time I’m going to only buy caviar and ask for $200 cash back.  I soldier on the rest of the week and really I’ve already taken up more than enough space on someone else’s blog so……

The next thing you know, you’re reading this on Friday and no doubt the rest of the week went perfectly.  Sandbox boy didn’t get sick (he did).   All the chocolates stayed sealed in packages (they didn’t) and I kept my house perfectly in order (not even close).  If you walk past my house Friday evening you might even see me staring out the window and waiting with my car keys in hand.   You see, I like to reward myself after weeks like these.  I’m thinking shoes with a side of sunglasses.

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I know that it is not easy for Fathers to travel either.  If you want to read the man’s perspective on what it’s like to be a traveling dad visit smonkyou.com for his three part series of “The go to office dad.”

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17 comments for “Guest Blogger: TheNextMartha

  1. April 16, 2010 at 8:17 am

    LOL!

    Can’t wait to hear what kind of shoes and sunglasses you get!

  2. April 16, 2010 at 8:29 am

    Great post!!! TheNextMartha needs to get on it & put her super secret blog up!!!!

  3. April 16, 2010 at 8:42 am

    That was a fun read. Seriously, TheNextMartha needs to write an amusing blog besides her gifted one. You hear me, girl! Makes us laugh. NOW.

  4. April 16, 2010 at 8:46 am

    I am one of TheNextMartha’s twitteratti, I totally agree, 140 character’s doesn’t do her justice! I say get on the blogy bandwagon, comm’on in the waters warm!
    Great post and great blog- I will check back often!

  5. April 16, 2010 at 11:21 am

    I know exactly what you mean! Thankfully, my husband travels very rarely because when he had a job that kept him out of town often? Complete disaster! He has a long trip to Japan in July and I’m thinking a daily massage for me will be necessary. Or shoes and sunglasses. Or…hmmm…a new computer! Yeah, that’s it!

  6. April 16, 2010 at 11:35 am

    Oh God. This terrifies me on your behalf. I can’t even imagine. TheNextMartha rocks. She rocks at twitter, she rocks at guest blogging… Love it! 🙂

  7. April 16, 2010 at 12:44 pm

    Yay! I love hearing from you in more then 140. I was so with you in this whole post as my husband leaves every Friday and returns late Monday .. Leaving me for basically 4 days alone with 4 kids and no school. By Monday I need to be rescued!

  8. April 16, 2010 at 12:59 pm

    She is bossayyyyy. And posts like this make me wonder WHY DONT YOU BLOG MORE? That’s all. That and I’m sure you’re glad your husband will be home soon! (mine will be too! WHAT A WEEK!)

  9. KLZ
    April 16, 2010 at 1:03 pm

    Oooh! nice splurge. This made me so amused, I’m following you on Twitter now. Aren’t you so pleased?

  10. Shleemama
    April 16, 2010 at 1:15 pm

    Love it!!!! So so glad you did this. I think you’re hysterical.

  11. Jenn aka MaybeItWasMtown
    April 16, 2010 at 3:09 pm

    ::Applause::

    @TheNextMartha What a riot. “the 2010 tour of snacks” is what happens when I send my husband to the store. Never fails!

  12. April 16, 2010 at 4:08 pm

    Hee hee. That was GREAT. 🙂

  13. April 16, 2010 at 4:36 pm

    I[m not sure if you want to hear this but you are a writer. Yeah, sorry. But don’t worry, we make HUGE money at it so your future is solid

  14. April 16, 2010 at 10:49 pm

    I love her on twitter. She’s one of my favorite twits. 😉

  15. April 17, 2010 at 12:20 am

    So we need to go grocery shopping sometime. I am that lady that looks at your cart and says “Oh, Frito’s. Brilliant choice for growing kids. Why don’t you spoon feed them some trans fats” but I secretly wish I could load up on the puffy Cheetos and Bagel Bites.

    So you’ve got your first entry done. Do I need to make you my pet project? You. Are. Awesome.

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  17. April 27, 2010 at 3:22 pm

    Fabulous!!! Sounds like my daily existence in a nutshell! 🙂

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