A Letter to Sandra Bullock

Dear Sandy,

May I call you Sandy? I feel like I should be able to call you Sandy.  I want to tell you that I am totally behind you right now.  I have your back.  Because?  You are so great.

I’m not the most loyal fan out there.  It’s possible I haven’t seen any movies you’ve made after about 2001 but I will stop what I’m doing to watch movies like While You Were Sleeping and Miss Congeniality when they come on tv.  I even saw Speed in the theatre despite my deep and abiding loathing of Keanu Reeves (though “Shoot the hostage” is one of my favorite movie lines ever and the name of a band some friends had in college). I’m totally planning to see The Blind Side now that we have the DVD in the house.  I’m gonna get to it real soon, I promise.  Because I really, really like you even though you made some lapses of judgment over the years,  Like Speed 2.  And Matthew McConaughey. But I will love you forever because once you answered the question “What will you never wear?” by laughing out loud and saying “A size two!”  LOVE that.

So, Sandy, I was shocked and appalled when I heard about Jesse and his Fiesta de la Skanks.  How could he do that to you?  And how could those women do that to you?  It’s not cool to lay hands on another person’s spouse’s naughty bits.  NOT COOL AT ALL. And it had to hurt like hell when you found out Jesse was spreading his special brand of douchery all over the place.

And now you tell us that you adopted a baby boy and ZOMG he is sooooo cute!  Congratulations, Sandy!  You are going to be a spectacular mother.  You know I how I know that?  Because you made the best parenting choice you could by filing for divorce and taking steps to raise your son in a douche-free environment. Jesse is not the kind of male role model your little boy needs in his life.  Little Louis deserves someone honest and kind and so do you.  But you knew that already, didn’t you?  You must have because you aren’t being all “Maybe he’ll change” and dithering around about whether or not to exit a broken marriage.  No, you got your lawyers on the phone, gave Louis your last name, and said you can’t imagine your life without Jesse’s older kids in it.  I bet those lawyers are telling Jess in no uncertain terms that he’s gonna have to STEP and make sure you can see your step-children for as long as they are happy to see you.  You seem like that kind of mama-wolf who protects her young.  That rocks.  Really.  It does.  Don’t let anyone tell you different.

I hope you’re up to your neck in burp cloths and  bottles and baby giggles right now and aren’t listening to the dumb things people are going to say about you.   You waited four years to get Louis into your life and you should be rolling around in the awesomeness of the first months with a baby.  There’s really nothing like it.  I hope you have good girlfriends around you to tell you about Hyland’s Teething Tablets, and Mylicon drops and lend you their Jumperoo to make sure he likes it before you buy one of your own. I hope your sister is doing her duties as aunt and buying Louis inappropriately fancy clothes.  I hope you have a great pediatrician to call with questions.

In short, I hope you’re getting to live out the new mom life because it’s just so great.

Brava, Sandy.  You’re an example of how to do Hollywood right, how to be the kind of woman who won’t take garbage from a good-for-nothing spouse, and, hopefully soon, we’ll see for sure that you’re the kind of mom that we all know you can be to little Louis.

Good luck and know that the sleep deprivation ends eventually!



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13 comments for “A Letter to Sandra Bullock

  1. April 30, 2010 at 9:52 am

    I couldn’t agree with all of this any more! Sandy has always had a good head on her shoulders, and dropping the douche…smartest move yet!

  2. April 30, 2010 at 9:59 am

    –>Another reason to love her is she grew up in NoVa!

  3. April 30, 2010 at 10:02 am

    Wonderfully written. I’m sure Sandy would appreciate it.

    Also, see The Blind Side. Now. It is worth every. Freaking. Second. Actually, that movie with the guy from the Hangover who looked really good even though he spent the movie filthy dirty? That wasn’t so bad either. In case you were wondering.

    And “shoot the hostage” is the best movie line. Keanu Reeves wouldn’t be able to depict falling if you shoved him off a cliff. And that’s all I have to say about that.

  4. April 30, 2010 at 10:10 am

    Yay for Sandy! I too hope she is in a lovely cocoon of baby smiles and naps and good vibes from her family!

  5. KLZ
    April 30, 2010 at 11:43 am

    I love her too! I think she’d be my friend IRL. Her and Matt Damon. Which I thought was weird until one day my hubs told me he thought Matt Damon would be his friend….so now, I’m totally cool with my delusions. If other people are having them too it must be ok.

  6. April 30, 2010 at 1:07 pm

    LOVE THIS and Hyland’s…swears. Those things ROCK and Kendra was on Twitter asking, “What to do about little Hank teething…” and I TOLD her Hyland’s and sent her the link…but she’s all like 25 and tweeted, “Forget it…no one has good ideas except booze.” And I was like HUH???

    is that random rant-y enough. scuse me!

    I wish we all could babysit for Sandy when she finds a nice guy to date. Too bad my brother is married.

  7. thenextmartha
    April 30, 2010 at 3:11 pm

    What a delightful read. I enjoyed it much.

  8. meredith
    April 30, 2010 at 3:11 pm

    love this. soooo true. and more power to her.

  9. Amy in Atlanta
    April 30, 2010 at 3:16 pm

    In 2001 I divorced an asshole and adopted a child from Russia. For MONTHS I have said “I hope she divorces him and adopts a child!” SHE’S WAY AHEAD OF ME!! Already had the child and managed to keep it private! Is divorcing the husband!

    Oscar Winning Steps

  10. Rebekah @ Mom-In-A-Million
    April 30, 2010 at 3:26 pm

    @Amy, You and Sandra should start a program to help women dump assholes and become kick-ass mothers. It could be called Ditch the Douche. It wold totally catch on. Elin Woods could be your first client.

  11. April 30, 2010 at 10:33 pm

    I really don’t think I could love this post anymore. It’s impossible. I love it to the moon and back.

  12. May 3, 2010 at 5:54 pm

    Yeah. I totally think me and Sandy would be call each other on the weekend, cry on the phone while watching lifetime movies BEST buds in real life.

    I’m weird like that, too. 🙂

  13. May 7, 2010 at 10:02 am

    I just read on the web that Sandra Bullock goes to sleep with 9 pet dogs in her bed. Sorry, but for me it isn’t healthy at all.

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