The (Un)Glamorous Life

Remember those putrid shampoo ads from the 80’s with Kelly LeBrock entreating us not to hate her because she’s beautiful?  And insisting that Pantene was the magic potion that made her hot enough to play a sex object created by a very dorky Anthony Michael Hall in Weird Science?  No?  Shit, you people make me feel old.  OK, here it is.


The point I was getting at before we headed down memory lane, Madison Avenue edition, is that I need to people not to hate me just because I’m NOT beautiful.  There was a time, in my late teens and early twenties that I perhaps could have laid claim to some hotness cred.  I was thin, I had shiny hair, I had clear skin and I had red lipstick and wasn’t afraid to use it. Guys looked and they liked what they saw.

(A total lipstick aside.  I read about this lipstick that changes color when you want to have sex on Masala Chica recently and OH MY GOD! In college?  I would have had lips that signaled horny like a baboon’s hot pink butt.  Now?  My lips would become invisible because of how stinkin’ tired I am most of the time.)

Now, I know, I KNOW, being over 30, and a mom, who works, does not preclude beauty. But it sure does inhibit it.  OK, maybe if I were Gwyneth Paltrow and had a team of super-duper, eco-conscious, more-perfect-than-thou stylists and make-up artists and personal trainers at my beck and call I could muster up some beauty on par with her.  OK, maybe not on par with Gwyneth.  My genetics don’t allow for that.  Dammit. But I don’t have help.  I have a toddler and a job and a house and wrinkle cream that gives me pimples.

Don’t think I don’t understand the irony of that.

No, the real reason I’m not beautiful these days is a total lack of desire to be beautiful. I finally passed whatever threshold it is where my looks are no longer a form of currency to me.  For years I reveled in being smart…and HOT.  Successful…and HOT. Funny…and HOT.  Or if not exactly hot, at least basically attractive and working what my mama gave me to the best of my ability.  But the point is I felt like everything about me was better paired with a side of “OMGshe’sHOT!”

Kate = Trying Too Hard

No, now I just want to be funny.  Or smart.  Or successful.  Or the Best Damn Mom Walking the Earth (Sorry, Mom, I know that was your title since the day I was born, but I’m totally gunning for it now.).  I don’t need to spice up the Inner Me with a hot exterior. And I sure as hell don’t want to be that 30-something mother who is plainly trying too hard to be hot.  Because if you go too far down that road you turn into Kate Gosselin.

This is not to say that I’ve stopped trying to pull myself together.  There is still a hair and make-up routine every morning but it’s more about under-eye concealer and less about lip-liner, if you know what I mean.  My look could be described as Utilitarian With A Touch of Blush.  It works for who I am now and I hope it shows off my best physical features while at the same time letting me highlight the rest of me, because those parts are pretty cool.

But, um, the wrinkle cream?  That gives me zits?  I’m trading that in for something better because there is a limit.

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8 comments for “The (Un)Glamorous Life

  1. March 24, 2010 at 5:18 am

    Oh I am with you sister! I just don't have the energy to even try to look "hot" again (and I use that term very loosely!). But I will say that less seems to be more as we get older. The confidence that we have gained seems so much more attractive than the exterior shell we used to work so hard to maintain. (at least that is what I keep telling myself)

  2. March 24, 2010 at 7:05 am

    I feel ya. I haven't used my hair dryer on a regular basis since J was born. I do still put on make up in the mornings because, well, without it I would look like Charlize Theron in Monster, but that's all I've got. I'll settle for being funny… looking.

  3. March 24, 2010 at 7:34 am

    Hey I've been reading your blog for a bit of time now, laughing out loud as I completely understand your adventures through parenthood. But about that wrinkle cream thats breaking you out… before I traded my working life for the stay at home mom role, I was a skin specialist. I can help ya out… if you want. Email me if your interested. Good luck!

  4. March 24, 2010 at 8:18 am

    Laughed at wrinkle cream that causes pimples. I am so there. A few years ahead of you mind you, but losing the desire to make the effort for sure. Since the effort doesn't quite give me the results I once had. Oh the glory days….
    Saw your tweet and thought I'd oblige. 30 I am! Glad I stopped by too, I will back for some more irreverence.

  5. March 24, 2010 at 8:48 am

    Wash and wear hair, 2 minutes to put on makeup and an obscene amount of yoga pants. That's my daily routine.

  6. March 24, 2010 at 8:59 am

    Thanks for your visits! Had to stop back by.

    At the time of said pantene commercial, a friend of mine used to say – don't hate me because I'm beautiful. Hate me because I SAY I'm beautiful! 😉

    my wrinkle cream totally gave me zits too. I was not as eloquent, but posted the same pain a few weeks ago –

  7. March 24, 2010 at 1:05 pm

    Amen! I remember a time when I wouldn't go out to the mailbox without make-up on…now days the goal is matching socks. It's funny how we morph into these amazingly beautiful women once we stop trying so hard to be beautiful and become moms!

  8. March 24, 2010 at 1:43 pm

    Oh – how motherhood changes things!! And how is it possible I was not following you?

    Just fixed that!

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