Today is my third wedding anniversary. I just googled “third anniversary” to see if the traditional gift for the third anniversary was something I could pick up at Barnes & Noble or CVS (because they’re both within walking distance of my office and not because I want to go to a store that will sell me a copy of People magazine that talks about the crazy-ass Duggars and their mammoth family and seriously, don’t you think he must be giving her roofies to get her into bed to knock her up over and over because come on! I only have one kid and fitting sex into the schedule is a major achievement of time choreography.) The traditional gift for the third anniversary is leather. Leather. And maybe I should have blushed and giggled because leather is kinky and funny but no. I thought of how my husband really wants a pair of shoes that go with a suit but are weatherproof enough to withstand is walk from daycare to his office.