Anatomy of a Snow Day


7:30: Whole family awakes and eats cereal together.  Cozy!
8:04: Listening to NPR, Mommy begins to expound on American jingoism and xenophobia as it relates to terrorist treatment under the legal system. C. interrupts by yelling “Mommy!” sharply because he needs the cap taken off the red marker.  Daddy seems relieved to be spared diatribe.
9:00: C. is throwing a regulation baseball around the living room while wearing Bud Lite Mardi Gras beads. Confiscate baseball.  Let him keep beads.
9:15: Get dressed.  Is leopard print bra too racy for snow day?  Nah…
9:45 Offer up Wiggles episode as a snow day treat.  Notice Wiggle in purple shirt resembles co-worker.  Contemplate telling co-worker but remember he is a 50-something single gay man who would not appreciate comparison.
9:55: Hide upstairs playing FarmVille.  Lament lack of building materials for stables.
9:57: Notice sudden quiet downstairs.  Must investigate.
10:00: Find Daddy and C. in basement shooting free throws into toy hoop.  Fantasize about NBA signing bonuses and how nice it would be not to have to pay for college.
10:30: Break-out Play-Doh as surprise for C.  C. unimpressed.  Daddy and Mommy spend 30 minutes enjoying Play-Doh on our own.
11:00: Protracted tantrum ensues over not being allowed to “clean” the litterbox.  Vow to remind C. of this moment when he’s old enugh to be assigned litterbox duty.
11:05: Quell tantrum with Sesame Street DVD
11:45: Lunch
12:30-3:00 1:30: Far too short of a nap
2:00: Begin counting down hours to bedtime.
3:00: Whining. Want to watch the Wiggles?
3:22: Power goes out, taking Wiggles with it.[Expletive deleted]
3:24: Power comes back, bringing Wiggles with it!  Hallelujah!
4:00: Whining. Want a snack?
4:15: Whining. Want some juice?
4:30: Whining.  Want to watch the Wiggles? Mommy considers auditioning to be a Wiggly dancer since she knows all the routines.
5:30: Dinner. Or rather, a large bowl of applesauce in lieu of actual, filling food.
6:15: Whining.  Want to watch Sesame Street?
6:45: Bath time followed by full-on meltdown over being forced into pajamas. Mommy thinks wistfully of beer in basement fridge.
7:00: C. in bed. Whew! Time for a shower, a beer and HGTV!
7:02: Check email.  Tomorrow will be another snow day. Better make that two beers.

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